Is ‘helicopter parenting’ bad for a child’s mental health? Experts weigh in

The National Mental Health Survey of India in its 2015-2016 report had estimated that nearly 7.3 per cent of Indian teenagers (13-17 years) suffer from mental health problems. If the latest suicides data is anything to go by, the prevalence of mental health issues among teens has only increased with the spread of the coronavirus infection and subsequent restrictions.

Without common coping mechanisms like venting around friends in schools and colleges, adolescents ended up internalising their stress and anxiety in these unprecedented circumstances. Being protective and supportive of your child can help them feel safe and stable. However, problems develop when parents overdo it. Hovering over the child is a common parenting style in India and it became easier as the work-from-home environment took over.

Experts believe ‘hovering' can have a decisive impact on a child's emotional behaviour and cognitive growth. We break it down for you step-by-step.

What is Helicopter Parenting?

Helicopter parenting is a style of parents where they go out of their way to make their child's life smooth instead of allowing them to learn from challenges, says Deekshaa Athwani, consultant clinical psychologist, Fortis Hospital, Mulund. In simple terms, a helicopter parent hovers over their child, which prevents them from exploring their emotional and intellectual landscape. Such parents, out of too much concern for their child's safety and success, like to keep a close watch on their routine activities including school learning and social interaction, adds Sujata Parashar, bestselling novelist and psychological trainer.

What are the causes?

There are a number of reasons which can cause a parent to ‘hover'. Following are a few common reasons.

Fear of future: Parents might fear dire consequences like rejection, job loss, heartbreak, failure in academics, etc. More often than not, they fail to take into account that these could be great teachers and life lessons for children. They also believe that their child's success validates their efforts as parents. Therefore, they take the possibility of failure or loss personally, says Athwani.

Overcompensation: Parents who did not feel loved or cared about as children tend to overcompensate with their own child, says Athwani. They monitor their child's every need closely as a remedy for the neglect they had faced in their childhood. A parent might also sometimes feel the need to mimic this style of parenting under peer pressure from other parents.

Anxiety: Worrying about the state of the world, economy, socio-political changes can push a parent to control their child's life and every move. As an attempt to keep them from being hurt or disappointed, they discourage the child from venturing out, making decisions, experimenting, etc.

Sujata Parashar is a novelist and psychological trainer. Photo courtesy: Sujata Parashar

What are its effects?

While many parents have good intentions when they implement this style of parenting, it may lead to their child developing low self-confidence and issues with self-esteem. They may also become dependent on the parent and may even develop a sense of entitlement, says Parashar.

Low self-esteem: One of the main problems with helicopter parenting is that due to it, the child grows up questioning their own worth and life-skills. They develop trust issues and insecurities which may give way to clinical depression and anxiety in adulthood.

Underdeveloped coping skills: When parents go out of their way to remove hurdles from their child's life or prevent problems, they fail to learn the ways of processing emotions or cope with failure.

Sense of entitlement: Children who have their lives straightened out and adjusted by their parents are used to getting away without disciplinary measures. They are accustomed to having their own way which might contribute to them becoming a neurotypical adult with a ‘my way or highway' attitude.

How to identify its signs?

Many of the things that Indian parents think are normal in a parent-child relationship, could be signs of over-parenting. Some of them, as listed by Parashar are:

1. Doing all the routine work of your children instead of assigning age-appropriate responsibilities.
2. Constantly checking on them (hovering)
3. Solving their problems instead of letting them figure it out on their own first
4. Shielding them from failures or feelings of disappointment and hurt
5. Not allowing them to freely express themselves, explore or make mistakes
6. Being overly anxious and worried about the child's safety and wellbeing

How to avoid it?

Parashar says, "It is important to give children the freedom to explore, make mistakes and learn problem-solving. As parents we can guide them and be supportive. But most importantly, we must convey it to them, in as many ways as we can, that we love and accept them unconditionally.

Some other ways, as listed by Athwani, are:

- Focus on the long-term benefits instead of fixing their problems for them

- Understand the developmental milestones and let your child do tasks by themselves

- When your child has disagreements with peers, don't try to fix it yourself instead teach them the skills to resolve conflicts

- Allow your child to fail and make mistakes so they know how to cope with disappointment.

-Teach them the necessary life skills

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