Rise of intimate weddings in India: Why are new-age couples opting for it?

With smaller guest lists, more quality time with close relatives and friends, a lesser number of ceremonies, a chill vibe, and no extra taam jhaam, intimate weddings are the newest cool in town. Do we have the pandemic, rise in financial awareness, and celebs to thank? Yes, we do!

WedMeGood, India's premier wedding planning website and application in a recent survey of 1,100 wedding industry professionals, stated that the average wedding guest size saw 270 guests per wedding. A quarter of weddings this year were intimate weddings having under 100 guests. This indicated a gradual rise in the trend of intimate weddings.

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True to this, Mumbai couple Arunima Sharma, an advertising professional and Prem Mistry, a director and producer recently tied the knot in court on December 22 after dating for over 5 years. They celebrated the occasion by throwing a sundowner for their close friends the next day.

"Honestly, I never wanted a big fat Indian wedding, because I wanted to fund my wedding independently along with my partner. Besides, it's taxing to be caught up with wedding ceremonies for over seven days straight. I'm going to be blunt and say this, we don't have the time or energy to do a seven-day affair. I'd rather travel and see the world with my husband", says Sharma. It is undoubtedly what most of us would agree to, today.

Identifying the rise in intimate weddings, Mid-day Online explored more about this in an attempt to help couples wanting to take the same route, understand the key sides of this low-key affair.

What are intimate weddings?
As the name goes, such weddings are smaller in size and involve guests who are close to the bride and the groom like close relatives and best friends. We spoke to Vishal Punjabi, a renowned film-maker and founder of The Wedding Filmer, a wedding filming group in Mumbai, who sheds light on how intimate weddings are different from the big fat Indian weddings and what the process of filming for an intimate wedding involves. He says, "Intimate weddings often have a smaller guest list and more personal interactions, which allows us to focus on the emotions and connections between the couple and their loved ones. This often results in a more candid, genuine, and heartfelt portrayal of the wedding day."

Sharma says, "Having an intimate wedding allowed me to have a gala time. It saved me from feeling like a showpiece standing on the stage and smiling at a grand wedding. I got to greet and party with every person present at my wedding which was what I wanted. I had one agenda, that was to party with the people I love the most and celebrate my marriage with the closest friends and family. This was only possible with having fewer people."

Arunima Sharma and Prem Mistry capture a special moment right after their marriage in court. Photo Courtesy: Arumina Sharma

Explaining the concept further, Punjabi says, "Besides the restricted guest list, intimate weddings usually have simpler, more minimalist themes and decor. Couples often prefer that the cinematography and editing style too reflect this understated elegance, showcasing the essence of their love story without the display of too much extravagance."

Since the scale of intimate weddings is smaller and more personal, the emotions that fill up the venue too are warm and personal. The filmer says, "In traditional weddings, numerous events, and extensive guest lists can sometimes make the celebrations feel more like a social event. While there are still emotional moments and connections, they may be interspersed among various rituals, ceremonies, and interactions with a wide range of guests. Filming intimate weddings, however, allow for a greater focus on the emotions and connections between the couple, their families, and close friends. The atmosphere is typically more relaxed, which encourages heartfelt, candid, and genuine interactions that create a sense of warmth and closeness."

The venue where intimate weddings happen is also chosen keeping in mind the scale of the event. Couples often opt for places that have certain emotional value or memory attached to them or they choose a place that is spacious enough for a smaller group of people to occupy or accommodate. "The most common venues selected by couples are their private homes, small boutique hotels, exotic or meaningful destinations inviting a select group of people, outdoor venues like vineyards, beaches, or other scenic outdoor locations, historic sites or heritage buildings like old mansions and forts. These settings provide a natural, picturesque backdrop for the ceremony and reception, adding to the charm of the occasion", says Punjabi.

Why are new-age couples choosing intimate weddings?
Sharma shares a list of advantages of having an intimate wedding. "We didn't want a traditional Indian wedding. Both Prem and I aren't religious. It would be disrespectful to go through a ceremony and perform all the rituals halfheartedly just for the sake of it. So, the best way was to get married in court because the law is above everything for us. We organised a small ceremony including only those traditional rituals that we wanted like exchanging varmalas and rings. We also kept the ritual of stealing shoes! After court marriage, we threw a sundowner party wearing traditional Indian clothes. While sending out the invites, we told everyone, it wasn't a wedding but a party to celebrate our court marriage."

He adds, "Everybody could enjoy at the sundowner, especially our parents, without any stress of ensuring if the wedding is being organised well, if relatives are being well taken care of, if the catering service is running smoothly, etc. The location, decor, cocktails, food, and the people, everything just fit well. Everyone had a great time. That was my favourite part of the wedding. One hour into the sundowner I'd taken off my dupatta, and so had my husband, his saafa, unlike most weddings where you are expected to be "proper". We were drunk, happy and comfortable."

For Sharma, the decision to have a low-key wedding was purely practical. She adds, "Having a small occasion helps you save so much money. You just have to pay for one event instead of seven. You can use all that money for your honeymoon! Besides, it saves a lot of energy which you can exhaust enjoying your wedding and dancing your heart out."

How accepting are Indian parents of intimate weddings?
Parents too are seen acknowledging the benefits of such weddings. The financial as well as organising burden that comes in handy with grand weddings takes a toll on parents robbing them of the chance to fully enjoy their children's wedding. However, some parents do take some convincing. Sharma too had to go back and forth with her as well as her husband's parents. "I looked at things from their perspective and realised that they were more excited than us and wanted a proper wedding. We had several conversations about how many ceremonies we wanted to organise."

My parents organised dinner for over 50 people that included my immediate family. During dinner, we also organised two Mehendi artists for interested guests. My mother wanted to have a Haldi ceremony too, so we decided to do that inside a hotel room with just five people- my parents, sibling and my husband. "After multiple conversations, they ultimately agreed on a small event, the sundowner," she says with a sign of relief.

What is the kind of requirements couples have for filming intimate weddings?
Having filmed enough intimate weddings, Punjabi says, "Couples ask us to highlight the deep emotional connections and candid moments between them, their family, and close friends. They appreciate a more personal and heartfelt approach to storytelling. They want their love story, personal journey, and shared experiences to take center stage, with a strong narrative woven through the film." Unlike traditional weddings which usually have more than one photographer and videographer, for intimate weddings, couples prefer a smaller team of videographers to maintain the intimate atmosphere and reduce intrusion. "This requires the team to be more agile, creative, and skilled in capturing the essential moments with minimal resources," Punjabi adds.

That said, there is nothing wrong with traditional weddings. Punjabi says, "Traditional weddings still hold a special place in the Indian culture. Couples are finding ways to blend the best of both worlds, creating unique celebrations that reflect their personalities and the importance of their union." While Sharma suggests couples opt for intimate weddings, she also says, "If you are someone who likes big fat weddings and has always wanted to have one, then by all means, it's your day, go for it!"

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