How to help your children prepare for exams, and cope with anxiety and stress

We've all had that dream of being in an examination hall again, an explanation could be that the nervous energy of the long-drawn hours seems to have embedded itself in our subconscious. With exam season in full-swing, thousands of parents and children across ages are experiencing nervousness, and sleepless nights. While the range of negative emotions can be wide, the suffering is almost universal and impacts performance. The role of parents becomes critical in providing sound counsel, communicating that results aren't the only determinant of their worth, and ensuring that young adults do not find themselves overwhelmed.

Dr Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi, parenting coach and educator, founder at Get Set Parent explains, "It is common to assume that exam stress is an isolated bout of fear and anxiety that a child feels in the exam room. Parental instincts and actions play an instrumental role in recognising stress among children during exams time and working towards creating a safe and comfortable environment for them. If you see your child acting out, communicate with them. Try and understand the problems they are faced with. Every child has a different force driving them, just like adults. As parents, we can seed the drive carefully by providing exposure, talking to them and fuelling their inherent strengths. Two children from the same family can be completely unique in their ways, with different fires fuelling their passion."

Struggle is real
Dr Sapna Bangar, psychiatrist and head of centre Mpower, Mumbai says she comes across struggling students often. "As exams loom large in the horizon, we come across students who are extremely stressed with feelings of being overwhelmed, out of control, not able to concentrate, not able to sleep, getting unwell with repeated infections and wanting to somehow avoid the situation completely. Some amount of stress is useful before the exam for optimal performance because if you are not bothered about the results at all, you will not put in your best efforts. The problem arises when the stress levels exceed the coping reserves of the students and starts impacting performance or preparations gearing up towards the exams."

Outlining the causes behind stress, she adds, "Excessive pressure -either internal or external from parents, or teachers is often a major reason, alongside unhealthy habits including poor sleep, lack of exercise, too much junk food or caffeine, or alcohol and drugs. Poor study patterns such as inconsistent study routines, last minute cramming, and reading without clarification of concepts, or lack of information needed may lead to last minute stress."

What not to do before the exams
While these are coping mechanisms for those undertaking the exams, parents need to be mindful of not engaging in behaviour that ends up hurting their kids. Chaturvedi elaborates, "As you approach the exam date and especially the day before exam, there is no point in creating unnecessary pressure on the child. Because with that much pressure, the child may underperform. There is no point in criticising the child right before an exam as it will only create panic in the child, plus it is also the responsibility of parents to help prepare the child for exams throughout the year. As a parent, one should focus on keeping the spirits high for the kids and motivate them. Parents need to continue following their child's cues and unique needs to feel like they're being understood and validated. They need information and support, and they need the patience to come into their own in the world."

Below, Bangar lists actionable tips that students can incorporate on a daily basis to prevent feeling excessively stressed last minute:

Time management
The most common mistake that students do is not plan or organise their study schedule. Making a time-table well in advance gives us a sense of control and also prevents us from overestimating or underestimating the effort that we need to put on a daily basis

Get organised
Gather all of the materials you will need, such as notes, textbooks, and any other resources, and keep them in a designated study area. Also keep any distractions like smartphones away from your designated study area

Eat well and exercise
Last minute revision is fine but not at the expense of eating and sleeping. Keeping yourself hydrated and adequately rested is extremely important for being able to do your best.

Reach out for support
If you are struggling to cope with exam stress, it is important to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.

Coping mechanisms
According to Bangar, being stuck in a psychological cycle- feeling overwhelmed, lack of self-esteem, negative thinking like ‘I am not smart enough' or catastrophic beliefs ‘whatever I do, I will fail this exam' can be a warning sign. Stress management needs to be looked at in two ways- short-term and preventative. If you are having an acute stress reaction like palpitations, breathlessness, sweaty palms, lack of concentration, you try the following:

Deep breathing exercises
Concentrate on your breathing-in and out. Even thirty seconds of deep breathing may help you feel more relaxed and in control.

Practise mindfulness
Just close your eyes and imagine yourself at a place that calms you like the beach or the mountains.

Take a break and stretch
Even walking around for five minutes or a breath of fresh air by standing by the window or balcony can refresh your mind.

Look at the bigger picture or put things into perspective
Think whether you are overestimating the likelihood of the worst-case scenario. What are the things within my control? What strategies have helped me cope with challenging situations in the past that will serve me well during this time?

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