'My hubby and his ex are still in touch...'

Dear Diana

Dear Diana,
I've been married for over a month now. On my honeymoon, I found a few messages between my husband and his ex-girlfriend on his cell phone. He had stepped out of the hotel room for a while. As he did not take his cell phone, I was curious to know with whom he talks and sends messages to. The messages dated back to two months before our marriage though. I decided not to tell him anything. Now I wonder if he is still in touch with her. He had told me that he had a girlfriend with whom he broke off as she was too demanding. Now I suspect that he still loves her and not me. What do I do? I have kept mum so far.
- Sia


Illustration/Amit Bandre

Dear Sia,
The messages were old so may be he was seeking closure before marriage. Or it could be that the girl needed some questions to be answered. Your husband was honest and forthright before marriage. He has told you about his past affair and did not hide it from you. So there is no need to worry. If you want to clear your doubts, you can ask him about it. But at the same time you went through his chat history. He will be taken aback and wonder what made you go through his messages history. It is clear that you do not trust him. It is likely to have an adverse impact if he is not mature enough to deal with it. So it is best to ignore the messages now as they were all old messages. At the same time, if you feel things are amiss, you can observe him for a while. But going through a partner's cell phone is not just done. A relationship is based on trust and you are already doubting him. Reason enough for him to be upset and angry with you. Snooping upon him and creating a rift between you and him so early in the marriage will only worsen the situation. So stop being suspicious and instead work on the relationship.