'My husband is away at work for days...'

Dear Diana

Dear Diana,
I have been married for six months. My husband works as a flight purser. For over half the month he is away from home. When he goes on long flights, he is away from home for up to a week. Most of the time when he is not at work, he wants to sleep. I feel lonely and depressed. I am new to Mumbai as I shifted here post marriage. He says he needs to rest because of the odd hours he has to put in. So on most days he is sleeping throughout the day and wakes up only in time for his flight. Things were going well when he took a month's break after marriage. We never exactly talked about this topic before we got married. It was an arranged marriage. He had told me about how after a flight he is so tired that all that he can do is sleep. It is as if I am leading my own life and he is leading his. I know this will be the state of things forever. What should I do?
- Kanika


Illustration/Amit Bandre

Dear Kanika,
You knew what you were getting into. Being married to a flight purser means he will be away at work for days at end. For him, night does not spell sleep and day does not mean to be awake. His body clock works according to his flight schedules. Remember he is travelling to different time zones, so it is natural that he will be tired and need sleep. You should have realised this aspect of his job and discussed it with him. A long flight means that he will be away for almost a week. Sit down and tell him exactly how you feel. But you will have to learn to live with this as most women who are married to airline folk do. Meanwhile, you should keep yourself busy by pursuing what interests you. Make your circle of friends so that you do not feel lonely. In a city like Mumbai there is lots in store; check out in your vicinity of what is of interest for you. Keep busy - that is the only way you can banish any idle thoughts.