Just a number? As BTS’s Jin faces age shaming, experts share coping strategies

Ageing is a natural process but not everybody sees it as such and that is when people start age-shaming each other, the results of which, experts say, aren't desirable for the victim. With social media, it has turned worse, especially for celebrities, who are constantly trolled in different ways.

Last week, Jin, a band member of the K-pop band Bangtan Boys, popularly known as BTS, expressed how he felt about getting old. Being the oldest member of the band, he will be turning 30 soon and has reportedly faced jokes about his age within the group and among fans, famously called the BTS Army.

It got to a point where Jin recently admitted during their Seoul concert titled ‘Permission to Dance on Stage' that he can't perform like he used to earlier because he doesn't have the energy anymore. The singer-songwriter said he made a mistake at the concert and hated himself for it. He pointed out that when they used to tour earlier, they had a lot more stamina but now when they don't tour much, no matter how much they rehearse, he isn't able to fit into the atmosphere of a concert because of low stamina. Even though his legs and body hurt, he wants to give his best and tour more before he gets ill.

While this has occurred internationally, the popular reality show ‘Bigg Boss' has also seen instances of celebrities being age-shamed. Most recently, Shamita Shetty was called ‘aunty' by Karan Kundrra on the OTT version. She is not the only one as there have been many such events in the show in the past too.

With increasing cases of age-shaming, Mid-day.com reached out to Mrudula Joshi, psychologist, Mpower Cell and Dr Sonal Anand, psychiatrist with Wockhardt Hospital, Mira Road to understand the effects of age-shaming on people. The city-based mental health experts also suggest how those who face ageism can deal with it.

City-based psychologist Mrudula Joshi describes age-shaming as the act of judging someone or giving a stereotyped treatment on the basis of an individual's age. Image for representational purpose only. Photo: istock

What can be classified as age-shaming?

City-based psychologist Joshi says age-shaming is defined as the act of judging someone or giving a stereotyped treatment on the basis of an individual's age. This, she says, comes from the societal belief about older people. Joshi explains, "It is the belief that aged individuals have rigid beliefs, don't have the physical strength to perform demanding jobs and don't wish to take risks. Their opinions and inputs are but naturally ignored or not considered by saying that he or she has grown ‘old'." This can be felt when there are direct or indirect comments on one's age, taunting about the consequences others had to face because of their decisions, and giving rejected treatment.

Does age shaming occur for younger people, say for inexperience in a particular situation, as much as it does for older people?

While age-shaming is known to affect older people, Joshi and Anand say younger people have to deal with it too. "Imagine an intern at an organisation giving inputs that have more practical challenges, a fresh graduate trying to experiment with something new in the business run by the family will quickly be passed by comment saying ‘you are still a child'," says Joshi, sharing examples of indicators in daily life.

Adding to Joshi's understanding, Anand says, "Younger staff are mostly taken for granted and discouraged from questioning authority. They might not be involved in important team decisions at work. Even at home, the feelings of younger kids are sometimes dismissed and this could have lasting effects."

Does a particular age group get affected more due to age-shaming?

Anand says while there is no particular age that gets affected, the early 40s and 50s are milestone years for many people and it brings stability and adamance towards change. She explains, "Forgetfulness starts being blamed as age-related and it is also a time when physical features change." Even though older people are respected in Indian culture, Anand says, they face a certain amount of ageism in different places.

How can age-shaming affect a person?

Age-shaming affects everybody differently. Joshi says comments and taunts related to ageing can hurt a person's self-esteem and self-worth. "In extreme cases, it can also lead to developing anxiety and depressive disorders in individuals," she adds. Anand further explains that age shaming, which is a type of ageism, can affect how a person perceives oneself. It can cause feelings of self-doubt giving rise to diffidence and overall poor performance.

According to Anand, age-shaming in younger people can make them feel inferior and give rise to early defiance or cocooning. Depression can be seen in such kids and they are prone to mental health issues as adults. At the organisational level, Joshi says it takes down one's morale and an organisation loses productivity. "If done constantly, it can lead to increased feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt which ultimately can result in a real mental health challenge," she adds.

Age-shaming can occur in person and online and the latter has increased due to social media. Does age-shaming affect one differently online as opposed to offline?

Joshi explains, "One needs to be aware that the effect of any kind of shaming is subjective and the mode seldom has a role to play in it." The psychologist explains that it also depends on an individual's perception about how they take it. "Be it on social media or be it in person, it can be a threat to an individual's mental health with the same intensity," she adds.

However, Anand begs to differ because she says the internet is a bigger platform and has access to different phases of a person's life. So, anything online spreads quickly among friends and family. Conversely, if it happens in person, it could be limited to just a certain group so that major damage is avoidable. "The thought that everybody on your social media groups knows what is happening with you can be quite overwhelming and sometimes difficult to handle with a positive outcome. Curiosity regarding other's lives has become the norm and a small thing is blown out of proportion with a cascading effect," she explains.

Apart from social settings, what are the other places a person can be age-shamed?

Individuals can be age-shamed in their very own home by their loved ones, say Joshi and Anand. Joshi reminds that people can also be age-shamed while walking on the pavement on their evening stroll, while crossing the road, or by their own partner.

If age-shaming happens at work, for example in the case of older people who have been in the organisation for long, how can they deal with it?

If age-shaming is happening in an organisation, Joshi says one needs to have a clear, open communication and flexible approach to deal with the situations. People can work towards changing the perspective that ageing is a natural process and no one can be exempted from it. Joshi says it is also dependent on the person and how they take it -- positively or negatively.

While perspective matters, Anand says older people in an organisation need to understand that age has its own benefits as it comes with a certain wisdom and awareness of self. "Experience cannot be replaced with enthusiasm of the youth." Older people know this and have to reassure themselves, she says, suggesting, "They can try to keep updating themselves and make it a point to keep their minds open to new ideas."

Does age-shaming affect men and women differently?

While men experience premature balding and are subject to jokes from people about them looking old, women have to also deal with people pointing out that they are getting old, if they spot white hair. Joshi says, "No one is exempted from ageing and hence from the anxiety of getting old. It affects both men and women with equal intensity."

However, Anand thinks differently as she says age-shaming affects women more. "Age shaming affects women more as society has a gender bias and stereotype roles for women. It could be because of reduced reproductive time of a woman as compared to the man. Also, a woman has to undergo more changes at a comparable earlier age." She cites how Bollywood actresses have a limited shelf life as compared to their male counterparts in India.

How can people deal with age-shaming generally, especially in times of social media?

Joshi believes it all depends on the person's perspective about the subject. "While ageing comes with many limitations on individuals' functioning capacities, physical appearance, it also gives us richer life experiences, equips us with ways to handle difficult situations and mature ways to respond to challenging situations," she explains.

She says just as answering anyone on social media or not is a personal choice, how people let age-shaming affect them is also their personal choice. "Age transition will bring its own limitations as well as benefits with it and people should focus on the positive," she adds. Writing down a detailed list of the benefits and limitations can help understand that the former is always more, says Joshi, can be reassuring. While meditation can help compose thoughts, the city-based professional says if the person can't handle the shaming, they should take help from a mental health professional.

On the other hand, Anand says for the online space, one should be aware of how real and virtual conflicts can be misleading. She further suggests, "Keeping restrictions on use of social media always helps. Not displaying all of your private life can be helpful. Using self-humour as a reply is also a good tool to deal with it."

While the onus typically falls on the victim to deal with age-shaming, how can people who age-shame be more sensitive towards others?

The city-based psychologist believes it is necessary for people who age-shame to understand and simply accept the fact that the ageing process is in no one's control. "Everybody wishes to stay in their twenties forever but life is no fairy tale. Understanding what limitations and challenges ageing can bring, being empathetic and understanding that one day we by ourselves are going to go through the same process can help people avoid age-shaming others," she says.

On the other hand, Anand believes it is important to create a healthy attitude towards correct usage of social media. "Cyber bullying and unfair shaming should be discouraged strictly by everyone so as to set a trend towards zero tolerance of bullying. There should be more awareness about how age shaming affects the victim," she says.

Also Read: Mental health needs immediate focus: Bombay Psychiatric Society