21 February,2011 04:32 PM IST | | Melissa D'costa
Organisation coach and consultant Vijay Nair is determined that you recognise corporations for what they really are: Evil. In his latest book, The Boss Is Not Your Friend, he attempts to resolve some of your existential dilemmas, lets you in on corporate survival skills, and even tells you why it's not a bad idea for every 'single' manager to consider marrying a lawyer
The Boss is Not Your Friend promises to groom you to become the quick-thinking David who fells the mighty organisational Goliath. Since the organisation -- in most cases -- is the boss, significant sections in the book are dedicated to how to get the better of the worst of them. Excerpts from the book:
Six boss types and how to tackle them
Type 1: The Case of the Oily Oyster (Oo)
Action: Accuse it publicly, as it hates public confrontation
Type 2: The Case of the Vicious Viper (Vv)
Action: Never cross it openly. Always agree to whatever it says and make it feel it is never wrong
Type 3: The Flattering Fraud (Ff)
Action: Make it believe you trust it completely
Type 4: The Crafty Conman (or con-woman) (Cc)
Action:Action: Never trust the information you get from it firsthand. Especially if the information has to do with your professional welfare or growth
Type 5: The Burly Bastion (Bb)
Action: Given the opportunity it is likely to outlast you, at least in the organisation, if not in this world. Don't give it the opportunity.
Type 6: Horny Harry (Hh)
Action: Horny Harry likes to grope.u00a0 Read up all the relevant laws on sexual harassment. If required, take legal recourse to fix it.
The Six 'Digmas'
'Digma' is a word coined by the author, which has to do with 'dogma' or 'doctrines' based on unpalatable truths about organisations. The six digmas are:
1} Organisations are organic entities.
You can be organic and you can be evil.
2} Organisations can take care of your interests if you take care of theirs.
They like you to remember you have unconditional responsibility to take care of their interests [but] they decide whether or not protecting your interests is in their interest.
3} Organisations are promoted and helmed by visionaries.
You have to remember their vision is hampered by issues pertaining to profitability.
4} Organisations want to empower you.
The empowerment is always much lower compared to the 'responsibilities', assigned to you. Besides, they can 'de-power' you at will.
5} Organisations reward hard work and performance.
Most times they reward someone else for the hard work you have put in.
6} Organisations provide safety and security for their employees.
And yet, if it wasn't for labour laws, most organisations would fight shy even of compensating those who lost their lives while discharging their responsibilities.
Six types of team members and how to tame them
1} The Young and The Restless
This one is not afraid of you and wants to fly the coop as soon as possible. So, you always have to be on your guard.
2} The Bold and the Beautiful
Don't let her beauty overpower you.
3} The Sly and Slimy
This one is looking for greener pastures all the time and finds your job lucrative, and will stop at nothing to grab it. So watch your back, and confront him/ her as brutally as you can.
4} The Foolish and the Tiresome
This one is unfortunate to get everything wrong. He will outlast every other team member to stay with you, and while it may try your patience and your temper, try to keep your cool. You have to get rid of him before his reputation rubs off on you.
5} The Bright and the Articulate
This one is a real threat. He/ she doesn't communicate much, goes beyond the call of duty and over-delivers. Be on guard all the time. It would be best to convince him/ her that you are his/ her friend, and that it is in his/ her best interests to make a career elsewhere.
6} The Flighty and the Careless
This one has the attention span of a three-year-old and takes on more than he/ she can handle. Micromanage him/ her. Supervise his/ her work until he/ she gets it right.
-u00a0The Boss is Not Your Friend, Vijay Nair; Rs 295; published by Hachette India
