24 May,2011 09:02 AM IST | | Priyanjali Ghose
Romance needn't fade with time. Here's why a man in his fifties and older can mean a better, more considerate lover
A bouquet of bright yellow flowers greeted 48-year-old interior decorator Shobha on a Monday morning at office. The sender was anonymous. Throughout the day, she received small gifts with special messages from the 'anonymous' sender. The last gift was couple air tickets to Greece. To her joy, she found out that the stranger was none other than her 52-year-old hubby Nikhil.
Shobha's "shy and reserved" husband had never given her a rose in the last 20 years of their marriage. On being asked, a sheepish Nikhil confessed that he felt like thanking her for always being there. Married women might be happy to note that Nikhil is not a minority. According to research, men tend to become more romantic in their fifties. A recent survey conducted by Warner Leisure Hotels, UK showed that men in their fifties liked surprising the women in the lives with flowers, chocolates and perfume. On the other hand, only 24 per cent of 25-year-old men wooed their partners in the same way.
Consultant psychiatrist YA Matcheswalla says that while there is no age limit for romance, agrees that for men in their fifties, romance depends on the overall quality of the relationship. "Younger men tend to be more self-absorbed and egotistical. They can also be more insecure. But after a certain age, they tend to make more of an effort," says Matcheswalla.
Less sex, more intimacy
Senior relationship counselor Rajan Bhonsle explains that the when a couple grow together, the relationship no longer remains "body-centric" or sexual. According to him, by 50, maturity, warmth and mutual respect seep into a relationship, as a result of years of togetherness. Bhonsle says that while the frequency of sexual intercourse may go down, as the man might experience problems in erection and ejaculation, the couple finds joy in physical intimacy involving warmth and affection.
"By 50, the man has achieved certain things in his professional life. He starts to value his partner more. Now that the high voltage romance is gone, he tries to keep the romance alive by trying to understand what makes her happy," says Bhonsle. He adds that even if the husband or the partner was temperamental in early years of the marriage, with age and maturity he stats to mellow. According to experts, both men and women seek companionship and look to their spouse for support, especially after the children leave the nest.
Giving love a second chance
Yesteryear's romantic superstar actor Rajesh Khanna is reportedly in love with childhood friend Anita Advani. The couple have been dating for around eight years and were recently spotted enjoying paani puri at the local market and seemed much in love. Advani has also been quoted as saying that their relationship is deeper than normal relationships and there are no demands on either side while Rajesh Khanna maintained that he has known her for 32 years and they are "just friends".
Ways to boost intimacy
> Remember the four C's. Make sure communication is Clear, Caring, Continuous and Complete.
> Respect is important.
> Be more giving in the relationship. Factoring in your partner's needs will help you become a better and more considerate lover, which leads to a more fulfilling relationship.
> Plan activities together. Work towards a common fitness goal. Cultivate a hobby together.
> Make the small things count. Hold the door open and wait patiently to make her feel special.
