Diwali 2022: Diwali isn't happy for everyone; Why some feel lonely during the festive season

The festive season is here and for Indians, Diwali, like any other festival, brings a lot of joy. It is especially true for people who have grown up around relatives who visited during this time, spending time gorging on traditional sweets and exchanging gifts. Since Diwali was dim last time around, people are leaving no stone unturned to meet friends and family this year.

However, there are many who are going to be alone this time around due to various reasons and away from the annual ritual of meeting loved ones. They could be living alone, cut off from their circles, either in another part of the country or elsewhere in the world. It has become even more difficult to interact with loved ones in-person because of the Covid-19 pandemic and while video calls do exist, everyone would agree that digital meetings don't have the same effect as being in the same room.

Being an important part of the festival experience, missing out on meeting people can evoke a different kind of feeling among many. For others, the festival season can in itself be overwhelming and make them feel lonely, as everybody is busy around them.

With this being the initial phase of the festive season, Mid-day reached out to Dr Kersi Chavda, psychiatrist at PD Hinduja Hospital & MRC and Shamantha K, counselling psychologist, Fortis Hospitals to talk about why people feel lonely during the festive season. He also talks about how people can deal with it and those around them can help in the process.

Why do people experience loneliness during the festive season?

Dr Chavda says people experience loneliness during the festive season because homesickness doesn't hit those who are living alone on a regular day due to various factors. He explains, "Flat mates, co-workers, boyfriends/girlfriends and friends are always around for the person. Someone is there to share your joy and to have fun." The fact that they are there around makes the person feel like they are not completely alone because "some constants fill that emptiness daily," he says.

Since people are usually with others during the rest of the year, this changes during festivals and everyone spends time with their respective families, according to Chavda. "So, despite it being a matter of only a few days, it feels strange to suddenly be plunged into so much loneliness when everyone else isn't," he explains.

Shamantha thinks the pandemic has posed a new kind of challenge by somewhat limiting physical celebrations. She explains, "During the festive seasons, we are on an emotional overload and often reminisce about the past or previous seasons celebrated with the family. Now, since people are lonely without their family, it could trigger them."

Does this loneliness affect people more than otherwise?

Chavda says that most people think of the festive season as a period of cheer and celebration but just like birthdays, it can evoke all kinds of emotions and memories. He explains, "Often, people report that just ahead of festivities and holidays, they begin to experience pressure and stress concerning expectations, family traditions, finances, even feeling overwhelmed by social events." He adds that even though a sentiment of togetherness marks this period, many people mention how lonely they feel either in their relationships or in a large family.

"While we will take pictures, exchange gifts with our extended family, it feels superficial since the feeling is that no one actually cares or even knows about what's happening in each other's life," he explains. Chavda says it is the conflict around family rituals and the strain experienced concerning finances due to the gifting culture, which is often experienced by people.

Social media hasn't made it easier as people are constantly posting pictures about their celebrations, which does not work well for people who are experiencing loneliness. Chavda adds, "Scrolling and checking social media during the festive season evokes a feeling of sadness, social comparison and a narrative of scarcity, with a sense that one's life is not as good as that of others."

On the other hand, Shamantha believes the loneliness experienced during the festive season could be a predisposition so it is hard to tell whether people who already feel lonely will feel lonelier during the festive season. For people who may not even be interested in the traditions of festive seasons, it may not be any different, according to her.

Has the pandemic worsened the loneliness during the festive season?

There is absolutely no getting away from the fact that this pandemic has aggravated the situation, says Chavda. It is especially true if there has been a death in the family due to it. He explains, "One gets into thoughts of ‘what could have been' and the feelings of despair and loneliness get aggravated."

Shamantha, who agrees with Chavda, adds that the mass isolation and deaths have made many individuals feel the blues. The psychologist explains, "Most people may not be in isolation right now but it may also not be a year since they lost their loved ones. This may even encourage them to not celebrate or participate in the festivities like buying new clothes, having feasts and getting together." She notes that there has also been a surge in older adults who had their spouses with them that they could depend on but happened to survive the pandemic alone. This period could be an especially difficult time for them.

Is this loneliness seen more in people who are living alone?

Shamantha says not all people who live alone necessarily experience loneliness, as some may like spending time alone. It varies from person to person. She explains, "Loneliness is uniquely manifested in people. Some people experience the physical symptoms of loneliness. It could be fatigue, substance abuse, headache and joint pain to name a few." It can also manifest in psychological symptoms like anxiety, frustration, deliberate isolation, procrastination, poor motivation or fatigue, she adds.

On the other hand, festivals and the holiday season, Chavda observes, are when people experience strain and often feel stretched and it is a theme that makes an appearance across age groups and it is not limited to those living alone. "Whether it's couples, young adults, senior citizens, single people - so many of them talk about how this time can be hard and yet difficult to articulate," he explains.

"This period is particularly tough for anyone grieving the loss of an intimate relationship due to break up, separation, misunderstanding or death. It can also be experienced by people who have lost jobs, businesses that have been impacted by the pandemic and those struggling with financial security," he adds.

Do the effects of loneliness vary across age groups?

Loneliness affects young and old people equally, however, younger people are at an advantage. It is easier for younger people living alone who might manage to cope better, Chavda says, because they are more physically mobile, tech-savvy, and often have less inhibition related to communicating with strangers. However, he explains, "This is not available for the older person who might live alone or have restrictions on mobility, and the crushing loneliness gets aggravated."

"Research says that young adults feel more lonely than older counterparts, but right now, we can't point out one generation and say that they are feeling lonelier because life has become more unpredictable," Shamantha adds. It is especially true in the case of people who have experienced the loss of loved ones, she explains.

How can people deal with this kind of loneliness experienced during the festive season?

Chavda advises doing some planning in advance. "See if you can be with people, at least part of the time and avoid isolating yourself," says the city-based psychiatrist. He adds that it is best that people don't seek perfection in what they are trying to do, the gifts you give out and more during the festive season. Seeking perfection causes anxiety, which aggravates the situation.

"We must also remember that, like it or not, about 20-25 percent of the population have some psychiatric issue, and often these get aggravated at this time," says Chavda. For those who are currently already seeing a professional should share their feelings, ask for specific coping strategies, and get medicine doses adjusted. For those who aren't already seeking help, this is a good time to begin, according to Chavda.

While Chavda suggests planning in advance, Shamantha recommends that people can plan something like a family vacation or get-togethers for the future. She says, "Currently, they can cheer up by reminiscing about past holidays, meeting friends and colleagues. Even if it is not family, it will still make them feel included. That sense of inclusion will not make them feel less lonely."

Shamantha adds that simply being kind and empathetic to oneself goes a long way. Self-care methods like taking a relaxing bath, being in nature, picking up a hobby and exercising can help. She explains, "These activities boost our energy and confidence. Maintaining a gratitude journal will help you look at the bright side." The psychologist informs that the neurochemical oxytocin, known as the love hormone, plays a huge role during the holiday season. "It is activated with touch, embrace and intimacy. The deprivation of togetherness can act as a catalyst to loneliness. So, getting yourself a massage, cuddling a pillow, or feeling cozy in a blanket will help release oxytocin," she recommends.

How can those around people dealing with loneliness help them?

Given that we are all social animals, says Chavda, connectedness is good for all. It is also the reason why he believes that the onus of dealing with loneliness is not only on the person affected by it but also the friends and family around them. "It would be beneficial to make a special effort to be in touch with people who are alone and let them know that you are thinking of them. Remember that we too might sometimes be in the same boat," he explains, adding, "as someone once said- ‘What makes loneliness an anguish is not that I have no one to share my burden, but this: I have only my own burden to bear'."

Shamantha, who concurs with Chavda says people should stay connected with their family and friends at least online, if not in person. "Some ways to do that are virtual celebrations, get-togethers, karaoke nights, sending gifts and greetings, to name a few," she adds.

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