10 November,2010 10:17 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
I have been engaged to this girl for the past five months, though I've known her for the past year. She lives in Mumbai and I live in Qatar. The problem is, when we chat online, she also chats with 10 other people. So her replies to me are delayed and it irritates me.
She tells me she is busy with office work but I logged in to her ID and found she's actually chatting. When I have a day off, I stay at home so I can talk to her all day, but she happily spends the day with her friends. I don't mind the fact that a majority of her friends are boys.
Recently, she told me she is at work, but I read a chat transcript where she has made arrangements with a colleague to go out for pav bhaji. She says as a team leader, she has to take care of her team, but who goes out so late almost every night?
When I confronted her about it, she said they did go out, but the restaurant was closed so they came back to work. But in the chat transcript I read, it was clearly mentioned that the guy would drop her home. I don't know what to think. Please help.
Name withheld on request
Dear Friend,
From what you tell me, it doesn't seem like this girl is having an affair. The nature of her job is such that she and her team eat at odd hours. I don't see anything wrong in a girl and a guy going out to grab a bite, at any hour. If a girl wants to cheat on you, she can do it in broad daylight.
It's really naive to believe that all hokey-pokey happens in the late hours. Her lying, I am afraid stems from your excessively jealous nature. In stead of fighting, explaining and arguing, she must've decided a little white lie was needed.
So what if she is chatting with other people when she is chatting with you? It doesn't mean she is not giving you her full attention. It simply means she is at work, and she has to be in work mode. You say you trust her but you are always reading her chat transcipts.
That isn't trusting. And if she has told you that she needs to take her team out, and be in touch with them at all times, then take her word for it. If she did all those things before the engagement, and it didn't bother you then, why are you trying to control her life now?
She is an adult and doesn't need to be told that she should not talk to so-and-so or eat out with such-and-such person. You will end up stifling her and she will hate you for it. My advice: chill. Your girl isn't doing anything suspect. Get over your fears and insecurity and respect her as an individual and let her make her own decisions.
For me, women equal sex
Dear Diana,
I am 26. I want to have sex everyday but since I live alone, I satisfy myself or visit high profile call girls quite often. But whenever I see a woman, I just want to have sex with her. I feel ashamed and guilty. Am I a sex addict? How do I know?
Ritesh
Dear Ritesh,
Nothing wrong with wanting sex everyday. Doesn't make you a sex addict. You are probably just bored of paid sex. However it is not normal to want to have sex with every woman you see. Have you had sex you haven't paid for? With someone you like? It might be a more fulfilling experience.
I just don't last in the bedroom...
Dear Diana,
I am 27 years old and have been married for the past 18 months. I manage only seven to 10 minutes of sex, but my friend is enjoying 25 to 30 minutes without any medicine. How do I increase my lasting time? Should I consult a doctor?
Himanshu
Dear Himanshu,
It is sex. Not the Olympics. Stop comparing your timing to that of your friends, and concentrate on her and your pleasure. In matters of sex, most people lie about numbers, etc. Stop getting affected by such 'facts and figures.' If you want to prolong the act, indulge in foreplay and afterplay.
