Can't live with each other, can't live without either

Dear Diana,
I am 25. I met this girl around a year and half back in college. Initially, we were friends but slowly we got serious.u00a0 I knew our relationship was not practical and told her so too. She then backed out, saying that my family would have objections as she was fat (around 80 kgs).


Illustration/Satish Acharya

I am thin (at 55 kgs). She's tried to lose weight but cannot lose more due to a medical problem. She is super rich, spends money like crazy, an extrovert who likes to party every day. I am the opposite - middle class family background, conservative about money and an introvert.

We know that her families would be concerned about our relationship because of monetary issues.u00a0 I earn a good salary, but can't give her the lifestyle she is accustomed to. She says she can compromise, we both know she can't. Inspite of everything, we love, care and respect each other and can't live without each other. We tried to break it off, but it's too painful to be without each other. My parents are looking for a bride for me and the pressure is increasing. What should we do?
Name withheld

Dear Friend,
If you think you belong to each other, then get married. If you think in the future you might have problems with her weight, or that she might have a problem living on your modest salary, then you have to talk about it whether you both can make it work.

Today it might sound romantic but a few years down the line, this could become a serious issue between the two of you. It's between the two of you, and the two of you have to decide what is best for you. You cannot let your parents tell you what decision to take in a matter that concerns the rest of your life. Think about it. The rest of your life. Can you do it without her? The answer is simple. Yes or no.u00a0u00a0

My boss is being unfair...

Dear Diana,
A fresher joined my team six months ago. My boss got her promoted last month, but I've been doing good work for two years now and have not been promoted yet. How do I get my boss to see she's being unfair?
Rita

Dear Rita,
Is it possible that the new girl is better than you at work? Ask yourself if there is room for improvement, and prove yourself. If you are brilliant, then write an email to your boss saying you're feeling overlooked when a newcomer gets promoted. Don't be angry, but present the facts properly.u00a0

She prefers saris over jeans...

Dear Diana,
I've been dating this girl for the past couple of months. She is sweet, funny and considerate and we really hit it off except for one thing. She insists on wearing traditional clothes to work and on our dates, when I prefer my women to dress in modern, sexy wear such as jeans and T-shirts.

When I told her this, she shrugged it off, saying she's more comfortable in Indian wear and does not like jeans. I don't understand why, when it's not even as ifu00a0 her family is not allowing her to dress modern. I would love to see her wear tight jeans or trousers and figure-hugging shirts. How do I change her mind?
Roshan

Dear Roshan,
It's a comfort thing. If you liked to wear pants and shirts and she asked you to only wear Indian clothes, would you? It's a matter of comfort and changing that won't be easy. Bring it up again next time. Don't make her feel like she has to change for you to want to be with her.

Don't push, request. Maybe even buy her something and ask her to wear it just for you. Maybe at your place, or hers. And if she likes it, maybe she will start wearing it more often. Someday she might even prefer it. But it has to be her decision. Suggest she wear a loose-ish top, perhaps she isn't fond ofu00a0 wearing clingy clothes. A lot of women choose not to dress in clothes that draws attention to their contours. Take baby steps.