Career or marriage? What should I choose and how?

Dear Diana,
I am 29. I work as a receptionist. My parents did not choose to educate me in a good school and so I am very weak in English. So though I am very capable, I fail to get better jobs as they all require that I be able to speak English fluently.

I am also unable to increase my social standing or find a good man because of this. My parents found a guy for me last July who had studied engineering but he hadn't got a job. So I rejected his proposal, but now his parents are insisting that they really like me and are eager for the match.

My parents want me to agree. They are not willing to listen to me as I don't have much of an income. What do I do? I have always focussed on my career though I have not been very successful. I hope to at least be successful in my marriage. Please tell me how to do this.

Tohida

Dear Tohida,
Let's fix one thing at a time. The marriage thing is more pressing, as your parents are pushing you to get hitched. Is the only problem you have with the guy selected by your parents that he doesn't have a job? If he's a nice guy from a nice family, maybe you can wait till he lands a job before you marry him? As for knowing English, you can teach yourself.

There are lots of books available. You could have a tutor or attend some English speaking classes. You can also learn pronunciations and conversations on the Internet. None of this will cost you too much. Try and speak in English as much as you can.

That will help you gain confidence. The more time you spend learning the language, the better you will get at it. Don't give up. IF you don't want to marry this guy, whether he has a job or not, and your parents still force you, move to a women's hostel. This will also help you improve your social skills.u00a0u00a0

Can a condom keep me from getting pregnant?

Dear Diana,
I had an arranged marriage in December.u00a0 I have never been with a guy before. I'm scared to death of getting pregnant. I want to wait at least a year. I want to know if I really have that much to worry about even when he uses a condom?

Sampada

Dear Sampada,
A condom alone is pretty good protection as long as he knows how to put it on, and changes it for another as soon as he ejaculates. If you want to be doubly sure, maybe you can speak to your gynaecologist and go on the pill.

Should I be more reserved?

Dear Diana,
I'm a 21-year-old girl. Often, to get a new friend, I will be very open with her/him from the first day, disclosing my past, some secrets, boyfriends, friends, parents, even sexual life. I feel completely comfortable doing it even if the other person doesn't disclose as much as I do.

My question: is what I'm doing wrong? Does it scare people off? Should I be a bit more reserved? I'm very trusting... I've had a lot of stuff happen to me so I feel like these events will interest people and make them think of me as an interesting and fun girl.

Saira

Dear Saira,
Yes, there's a reason why it's called TMIu00a0-- Too Much Information. People who don't know you, don't want to know every tidbit about a stranger. If some girl randomly told me some shocking secret about her or her family, I wouldn't even know what to say to her.

It'su00a0 uncomfortable to hear details of the private lives of people you barely even know. When you first meet people, you know if you connect with them or not without having to tell them every detail of your life or past. People want to be your friend because you're fun and have things in common, not because they want to be your therapist. Once you get to know someone better, it's okay to share things like that.