Emotional infidelity

Sample these situations. A person sends funny e-mails to his/her friend at work but not to his/her spouse. When he/she receives a promotion at job, he/she calls a special friend of the opposite sex first. And when he/she is feeling depressed about something, he/she sends a 'please-cheer-me-up' kind of message to this close friend without even giving a thought to his/her partner. Last but not the least, he/she misses his/her friend when he or she is out of town more than he/she miss his/her partner.

These situations are strong indicators of 'Emotional infidelity'. One may say that infidelity is not just about being sexually unfaithful anymore. But has more to do with emotions. There is no denial that in today's age of the internet and with a freer working atmosphere, when many of us spend most of one's waking life within the confines of an office and outside the home, getting emotionally involved with some friend or colleague seem to have become far common than ever before.

Longing for emotional support
Emotional infidelity occurs when one thinks intimately about and craves emotional intimacy from someone other than his/her spouse. Giving details about the same, Dr Aruna Broota, clinical psychologist, says, "An emotional affair starts as starts by casually chatting with co-workers or people one see regularly and then develops slowly. As the relationship deepens, the involved person distances himself or herself from the primary partner. That's because that 'other' person makes one feel special and hence one begins to open up more and more and likes spending more and more time with him/her. On the top of it, such affairs provide temporary comfort in times of conflict in the primary relationship."

Danger to marriage
Undoubtedly, a very strong emotional attachment elsewhere can be very dangerous for one's relationship or marriage and can make a marriage suffer. Elaborating on the same, Dr Megha Hazuria Gore, clinical psychologist, Max Health Care, says, "For any healthy relationship, an emotional as well as physical connect between the partners is indispensable. But when the emotional energy is consistently driven towards an outside person by either of the partner, it puts in danger on a relationship between the committed partners. Because it leads to jealously which leads to questions and arguments, which in turn leads to fights between a couple.

She further adds, "Emotional infidelity can be as devastating to a marriage or partnership as sexual unfaithfulness - if not more so. Many times emotional infidelity can lead to physical infidelity. But even if it doesn't lead to a physical affair, it surely spells doom for the primary relationship."

But can having an emotional anchor other than one's spouse be helpful or beneficial in any situation?
On this Professor Aruna is of following opinion, "As long as you know where to draw a line between dependence on your partner and dependence on this other person for your own mental health, there is no harm in having emotional anchors .One needs to think whether his/her first priority is still with his/her partner or not."

Now the question that arises is how should one deal with an emotional unfaithful partner
" Emotional infidelity is basically a result of communication problem between husband and wife. Therefore, one need to share his/her feelings with his/her spouse calmly in a non-accusatory manner."