19 January,2011 08:43 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
I am a 32-year-old man, whose penis size is 2.5 inches when erect. Due to this, I have not been able to achieve any success in my relationship with women and so entered into a gay relationship.
Both of us really love each other and want to spend our lives together. While his family will accept a bride from a different community, they will never accept a gay partner.
He suggested that I undergo a sex change operation (since my physical act anyway is not satisfactory while his is). I want to know how to go about this and if there are any pitfalls. Is the process reversible? And will I be able to bear a child after the operation? How do we keep this a secret from his family?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
Let me get this straight. You couldn't pleasure women, so you got into a gay relationship! And now you love him and want to get married to him? Let me spell this outu00a0-- either you are gay, or you are not gay. You cannot become gay because of something that happens.
So firstly you need to figure out your orientation. You cannot seriously be considering a sex change operation. It is a life-changing decision and one that you cannot take lightly. You need to speak to a sexologist. A sex change operation is not reversible.
You will never be able to bear a child. And you cannot keep this a secret from his family. The transformation takes years and a series of operations. It is not overnight and it isn't going to be easy. And it will cost lakhs. You need to think this through.u00a0
Am upset with my friend's behaviour...
Dear Diana,
My friend has not yet returned my prized book I had lent her three months back. Whenever I ask her, she says she will soon but doesn't do it. How do I get it back?
Sneha
Dear Sneha,
Just ask her outright if she has lost it. There has to be a reason why she hasn't returned it in three months, and doesn't have an answer for you. Tell her that it's ok if she has lost it, and can replace it with another copy.u00a0 Or just land up at her house and demand it.
Worried about my friend's young son...
Dear Diana,
My college friend recently announced his second marriage. His first wife of 10 years died of a terminal illness just eight months back. He has a seven-year-old son by her. Now he is planning to get married to this woman he met on a matrimonial website.
I know it is not up to me to judge how long a man should mourn his wife, even though they I had been a witness to their romance during college. But I am worried about his son and the impact this will have on him. There was something he said innocently that made me feel my friend had begun looking at matrimonial websites before his wife's death. Is there anyway I can help the child?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
This is a very sensitive issue. Invite the friend over and have a heart-to-heart. Just the two of you. And say whatever is on your mindu00a0-- the doubts, the fears, the concern about the child. Just spill. So at least you know you have said your part.
Then it's upto your friend to decide for himself what he wants to do. Just make sure that you tone isn't judgemental. Start by saying that you are concerned and want to point out a few things as a close friend, and hope that he takes it in the right spirit.
As for him wanting to get married in eight months, I know it seems early but then you cannot put a time frame on such things. Maybe he needs a companion, or a mother for his child. And ultimately you can't stop him, accept that.
