He wants space despite being in a bad marriage

Dear Diana,
I have been seeing a married man for a year. He has been going through emotional abuse because of his wife's numerous affairs and her control over his life. He just cannot seem to walk away. During this time, he has maintained he loves her, but even her family says she is manipulative and that he should be careful. She seems to just use him for money, yet he continues to be at her beck and call.

They work 200 kms away from each other and when they live in the same house, they have separate bedrooms. Just before we got closer, he got prostate cancer and his wife went off with her boyfriend. I've found a closeness we have both enjoyed very much, but because I cannot live this double life in secret he has now broken contact and wants space. I know he is afraid of losing his son who is closer to his wife. It's quite strange that he puts up with this. I miss him terribly and don't think our time apart is a good idea.

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
I feel that in any relationship on the verge of a breakup, knowing when to say 'enough is enough' and walk out, is paramount. There's only so much infidelity one can put up with. You learn to suck it up or deal with the problem head-on. Irrespective of whether you are a man or a woman, you can never be at the mercy of your partner.

Such a relationship is a conquest on their part and a compromise on yours. I think that until this guy knows what he wants and where he stands, he can never truly commit to another woman. It's smart that he has asked you to back off until the time that he figures out what he wants to do with his life. Agreed, it is strange that he puts up with her. But the best you can do now, is wait for him to sort his life out while offering wholehearted support as and when he needs it. That's it.

Is masturbating every night a common thing?

Dear Diana,
I'm 16 and I masturbate every night. Is this common or should I get some help?u00a0

UV

Dear Friend,
This is fairly common and nothing to worry about. However, it is not the be-all and end-all of your sexual existence. So, don't behave like you cannot do without.

Wanna break up with my fat girlfriend...

Dear Diana,
My girlfriend and I met three years ago. At the time, we both weighed 110 kgs. Ours was a good relationship. In the last 12 months, we promised to go on a diet. Now I weigh 80 kgs while she's 120 kgs. I attract the attention of other girls now and have a gala time flirting with them. I love my girlfriend but she is too fat. How do I break up with her?

Bunty

Dear Bunty,
You are being shallow when you say you have a "gala time flirting". While your persistence in losing weight comes across, it is still unclear why your girlfriend has gained weight. Did she stray from her diet due to emotional stress? Was she demotivated in any way? You can't pass a judgment on her simply based on her inability to lose weight. The way I see it, you were with her only because girls were repulsed by your obesity while you found something in common with her. It's a bit cruel to break up with her now. Support her now and she just may lose the excess kilos.