Her mom's a kabab mein haddi, she's kamzor kadi!

Dear Diana,
I am a Maharashtrian in love with a Bengali girl for the past two years. She loves me too, but she wants to work for a while before getting married. I have my own business, earn around R 25000 per month so I have no problems with that. My parents have no problems with her.

However, her parents are against the match due to caste differences. She's been fighting her parents but in vain. I have talked to her mother and tried to convince her, but to no avail. In fact, after that, her mother forbade her from talking to me again. When I tried to talk to her mom again two days later, she refused to see me.

My girl called me and said she was very depressed and that I should not waste my life for her. She is going to accept whatever her parents tell her. She kept repeating that, even when I asked her to tell me finally if she is with me or not. They are a poor family and are hoping to get her married into a rich family. I love her and can't live without her. What do we do?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
You have to understand that you are asking her to give up an awful lot to be with you. She will miss the security of her own family (doesn't matter how poor they are), feel perenially upset about hurting them the way she will should she elope with you and will definitely never live it down should they take a drastic step following that.

Assuming the two of you aren't minors and that are well within your rights to get married legally and that you are well off enough to provide for her, I do not foresee any problems if the two of you come together.

But the decision is hers to make without any outside pressure and whatever she decides, you two will have to live with that. If she already has decided, I suggest talking to her father (in stead of her mother) this time and plead your case. If she decides that her parents' will be done, don't push it. It's her loss to live with.

Zamaane ki buri nazar hai, but she doesn't get it!

Dear Diana,
My teenage daughter walks our dogs in our society compound every night wearing a sleeveless T-shirt and shorts. I know the watchmen look at her lecherously and have told her this, but she refuses to dress in more modest clothing. How do I convince her?

Rupa

Dear Rupa,
I'm surprised she chooses to dress like this despite the cold weather. But seriously, you ought to walk the dogs yourself if it bothers you so much. Telling her that her dressing provokes lecherous intentions won't send out the right message. Rather than compel her to live in fear, why not sign her up with a self defence class or chaperone her when she walks the dogs?

If we're 'just friends', why go out with me alone?

Dear Diana,
I am 19. There are five girls and two guys in our group of friends, of whom I really like one girl as more than just a friend. I even started treating her in a special way. First we used to go out as a group, now sometimes only the two of us go out -- watch movies or just hang out.

I proposed to her but she flatly said "We are just friends". Yet, she still agrees to go out as only the two of us. I am confused. If we were only friends than why does she hang out with me without our group? She also told me not to tell anyone that we go out together. What should I do?

Matt

Dear Matt,
You may love her and it's justified for her to not feel the same way. Maybe, she enjoys spending time with you as a friend minus the group but doesn't want the baggage that comes with a relationship. It could be that she's simply testing the waters before taking the dip.

She probably wants to be sure of what she feels for you before going public about it. Can you live with the realisation that the truth could be as simple as that? For now, at least? If not, I feel you're simply being impatient. Make her believe that you're the right guy for her. Give it time. And maybe, she will come around. If she's firm about it, don't pursue her any further and keep your distance.