20 August,2009 07:40 AM IST | | Navdeep Kaur Marwah
Au00a0couple in the capital played "Sach ka Saamna", and the husband ended his life on hearing about his wife's "disturbing past." FYI asks if it's prudent to be completely honest with your partner
American journalist and author Mignon McLaughlin was right when he said, "The past is strapped to our backs.
We do not have to see it; we can always feel it." And as if that's not enough, our lovers feel it too. A young security advisor at a shopping mall in Greater Noida is said to have committed suicide after finding out the "disturbing truth'' about his wife's past. Neighbours say the couple had watched an episode of television reality show Sach Ka Saamna, and decided to play the "game'' between them.
Which brings us to the question, how much of the past should you reveal to your partner? Honesty may be the foundation of a successful relationship, but can concealing details sometimes work better than telling all? The wise will tell you that it's all about packaging. Figure how the information will be revealed to your partner. Put yourself in his/her shoes, and ask yourself if the information will come as a blow. If the answer is yes, keep shut.
Silence is golden
Dr Gitanjali Sharma,u00a0 Marriage and relationship counsellor
The expert says revelations about the past and brazen honesty only help feed your partner's insecurities.
"Relationships are built on truth, genuineness, openness, sincerity. We can't ignore the past since it's continuously influencing our present. In order to understand your partner and his/her belief, discussing the past can be helpful. But while discussing past relationships, make sure you leave out the nitty-gritties. Also, never ask a question that you don't want to hear the answer to. We must understand that hiding the past is not going to help in any way, because it can reappear in some form. It's important to accept that every individual has a past, so, it's best to develop the flexibility, and harbour an open mind to accept it and move on."u00a0u00a0
CELEB CASE STUDY:
Leave out the unimportant stuff
Riddhima Kapoor Sahni and husband Bharat Sahni
Bollywood actor Ranbir Kapoor's elder sis married Delhi industrialist Bharat in January 2006. The couple say they share all that's significant from the past, and agree that it's best if the unimportant details are left out. "Being truthful helps strengthen a relationship. It may be difficult initially, but it will work in the long run. An individual should reveal as much as he/she is comfortable revealing. Things that are left untold are sometimes better left alone; usually they tend to be insignificant and hurtful. It's about how much you feel the need to share information," she says.
Live in the present, says youth
Jessy RandhawaModel
It depends on how you have lived your life. My partner's past doesn't bother me since I believe that people change. One should live in the present, not the past.
Gaurav Chopra Actor
Be honest, don't pretend. Don't get into the uglier details that can affect the bond you two share. Have an understanding of each other's past to make your present happy.
Manmeet Gumber, Radio professional
The only information that you may feel morally obliged to reveal may be that which affects your new relationship. I believe in "raat gayi, baat gayi".
Megha Sareen Media professional
If your partner is suspicious by nature, take care. In a relationship, it's far from healthy to keep secrets, but be selective about details you reveal.
FYI's 4 point Sach Ka Saamna Guide
>>The first date should not sound like a Church confession, in any case. Create a bond first before you get to the deep and personal stuff.
>>It is better to lead a happy life by knowing just what's necessary, rather than leading a life littered with constant bickering and hurling accusations at each other.
>>If you have a past that you regret, it's best left buried.
>>It's important to show that you don't continue to be emotionally involved in any past relationship.
