I am 57, she is 53. I can't live without her!

Dear Diana,
I am 57 years old. In 2009, I met this wonderful woman who is 53 years old. We work in the same office. It was an instant connect and over the years my attraction for her has increased manifold. We both are married and have grown-up children who are also working. Her husband shifted to New Delhi after retirement but she preferred to stay back in Mumbai for the sake of the children. I have kept a picture of her on my PC and daily before I start work I see her smiling face. After seeing her face, I feel happy. She is healthy, has clear skin and the perfect hair cut. I love her and feel our feelings are mutual. She keeps telling me we should enjoy our lives. I have been asking her to go out with me but she always refuses the offer. I cannot imagine losing her. I feel that she is confused about our relationship. What do I do to make her stay with me? I can't live without her.
-u00a0L Phalke


Illustration/Satish Acharya

Dear L Phalke,
After reading your letter gushing about your woman, it looks like you are not 57 but 17! Age is truly a number for you. You have found love but at a late stage in life. You are obsessed with her and how. Even the fact that both of you'll are married has not stopped you from wanting her as the woman of your life. But you state she has been turning down your every invitations to step out with you. All these years have you ever wondered why? There must be something that stops her from going out with you, right? Have you ever asked her what it is? I don't think so as you have been living in your make believe dreamland with her. At your age, people are making plans for the marriage of their children, here you are making your own plans. There is no harm in it but have you ever paused to think about your wife and kids as well as her children and husband. You have been living in this romantic world that you have created but my dear man, reality is different. You'll both have your families which are of utmost priority at the moment. Your fantasies are better left to yourself alone.

My pal doubts my career decision

Dear Diana,
I am not good in studies. I managed to get 58 per cent in the HSC exams. I have not enrolled for a college degree but instead have joined a fashion designing institute. Myu00a0 best friend tells me it is a wrong decision. Is it?
-u00a0Maya

Dear Maya,
It is your calling ultimately what you choose to study. Your pal can only guide you and not dictate terms to you. You feel you are more comfortable doing fashion designing rather than do a college degree. There is no harm in it. It is better to pursue what is of interest to you. And remember fashion designing is an extremely lucrative field.

Should I let go my married lover?

Dear Diana,
I had an affair with a married man, an office colleague. This went on for two years. The excitement was amazing and I thought we stood a chance of a future, but then realised it would never happen. He has a four-year-old kid. I then changed my job so that I could not see him. I decided to have no contact with him. But after a year, last week, we bumped into each other and then he called me. I am tempted to go back because I know he still loves me but I also know how wrong it is. So what do I do when he calls me and says he misses me and not a day passes when he does not remember me? I am 24.
-u00a0Ruby

Dear Ruby,
You need to let him go and make it clear to him too. It will be hard and tough, but you owe it to yourself. Time will heal. Remember he is married and both of you are playing with fire. What makes you think he will leave his wife and kid for you? He may tell you, you are always on his mind but that is because he has nothing better to do! He wants to have nothing but sex with you. But that is nothing compared to the guilt that will eventually eat you up and the devastation that could follow. Have you ever wondered what will happen when his wife finds out? Or when your folks find out? You are only 24 and have your life ahead of you, don't muddle it up. You live your life and let your guy work on his marriage.