I am married, but am in love with someone else...

Dear Diana,
I am a 30 year-old woman. Iu00a0 got married at 18 due to family pressure. Just before I got engaged, I got a new job and I realised that I like a guy in my office. I didn't say anything to him nor did he say anything to me. A year later, I got married.

Much later, my husband went abroad and I stayed back alone. I got attached to the guy. He confessed his love for me and asked me to divorce my husband and marry him. I couldn't do so as it would spoil my parents' standing in society. He was single at that time. I told him to forget me and get married as I cannot be a part of his life. I then settled abroad with my husband.

He married someone else and for the past few years, we've been in touch over the phone. He wants me to come back because till date he has not forgotten me and neither have I forgotten him. He says he cannot love his wife the way she deserves as he loves me. He is just doing his duty. It is the same for me and my husband. What should I do? We've tried to forget each other but it didn't work. Please advise.

Sam

Dear Sam,
Are you sure you are not romanticising your relationship with this guy? Are you really in love with him? Do you know him well enough? Or is he just a distraction from your marriage which is now 12 years old? Let's look at theu00a0 timing of it all.

You fell in love with him when you were just about to get into an arranged marriage. It was a vulnerable time for you. You were perhaps looking for a reason not to get tied down. But nothing happened. You met him again when you were lonely and your husband was away.

He asked you to marry him but didn't, as you didn't want to spoil our parents' reputationu00a0-- how has that situation changed now? You've been in touch with him over the phone but can you really say this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Be very sure because you will be breaking up two homes.

If you are convinced about it, and so is he then go ahead and find your happiness together. If you aren't sure maybe you can put some time and energy into reviving your marriage. I don't advocate staying with a spouse you aren't happy with. Just be clear about why you are breaking up and ask yourself if you are sure you will be happy with the new guy.u00a0u00a0u00a0

Is it my ex who is making crank calls?

Dear Diana,
My girlfriend and I broke up three weeks ago. Now I've started getting crank calls late at night. Can this be her or just a coincidence? I really love her and honestly don't know why it ended. Do I move on or just see if she gets in touch?

Nishant

Dear Nishant,
Get your 'call waiting' activated. Then you will be able to see who is making those calls. If it is her, then she too is pining for you and you can reach out and fix things. If it isn't her, that means she hasn't made any attempt to get in touch with you, so she isn't interested. In that case, move on.

I like, I look... and yet know her not

Dear Diana,
I am 18, and I have been looking atu00a0 a girl for the last three years. We travel by the same bus frequently. She knows that I am interested in her, and she also shows looks at me often and shows interest. But sometimes she doesn't show interest in me.

I want to be with friends with her, but how can I suddenly start a conversation out of the blue? We don't have any common topic to talk about. She is very shy and so is not taking the initiative, but if I approach her, I think she'll misunderstand me. Sometimes she looks irritated, and I am afraid of talking to her. What should I do? Please help me.

Rupesh

Dear Rupesh,
You are assuming a lot of things hereu00a0-- she is shy, you have no common interests, she will misunderstand you. How do you know all that when you don't know her at all? It is easy to strike a conversation. The next time you are in the bus, ask her for some change, or offer her a seat if you get one.

The next time after that, smile when you see her. If she smiles back, the next time, say "hello" and ask her how she is doing. You can chat about the weather to the late bus.

If she is interested she too will initiate conversation and talk. If she isn't, she will not look at you, or will avoid you. Don't try to be friends if she isn't interested. And don't rush to tell her that you like her. Take it slow. And see how it goes.u00a0u00a0u00a0