03 February,2011 09:55 AM IST | | Dear Daina
Dear Diana,
I am 19. Two years ago, I met this girl who studied in my college through a few mutual friends. I really liked her and we were good friends for a year. Then I fell illu00a0 for a month and was unable to keep in touch with her. She too stopped replying to my messages.
Illustration/Satish Acharya
When I asked her why, she said I am a nice guy, but that I am too impatient and so a few people don't like me, but she likes me as a friend. We are in different streams, but I tried to keep in touch with her at college. We don't really have any common topics to discuss.
My friend who knows her very well and who knows that I like her, tells me repeatedly that I should tell her what I feel, but I am afraid that I might lose her friendship. She considers me a friend and helps me with my studies, but never calls me for her parties. I am confused.
On her birthday last year, I sent a gift through my friend. He said she loved it and I should have written my name in it, but I feel if I had done that, I wouldn't have got the same acknowledgement he did. Our mutual friends keep telling me that she isn't too sure of what she should speak to me about, so as a boy I should make the first move. But what if she rejects it?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
You're worried about losing her 'friendship'. But really, can you call it 'being friends'? She doesn't call you for her birthdays, you have nothing common to talk about, she loves your choice in gifts but you feel it's because you sent it in somebody else's name. Think about it. You have nothing to lose. If she does reject you, at least you will get some closure. Treat this as a positive experience and move on.
How do I find out where I belong?
Dear Diana,
I am a 15-year-old girl. I am having trouble finding where I fit in. I am costantly changing what I like, my looks and I can't seem to define myself. Where do I belong? How do I find out?
Jalpa
Dear Jalpa,
It's a natural part of being a teenager, trying to find who you are and trying out new things. It is normal to feel like you don't fit in anywhere, every teenager feels like that. All I can say is, be yourself and so what if your style changes frequently? You will find what is best for you and stick with it.
What does "You're in shape" mean?
Dear Diana,
I am a 29-year-old girl. When men eye me they often say: "You're in shape."u00a0 I have heard this at the gym.u00a0 However, some men will say this when we are out or after we've just met each other which throws me off. Can you translate this for me? I weight train but I wouldn't call myself "muscular". I am tall, but of average build. I am not petite. I am not androgynous. I do have curves in the right places. I have shoulder length hair. I wear a dress or skirt occasionally, but I mostly wear jeans. I getu00a0 hit on by lesbians quite often. My worstu00a0 fear is that men find me butch. Any advice for me?
Shalu
Dear Shalu,
Most guys say what they mean. The Translation of "your are in shape"u00a0 is:u00a0 You're in great physical shape. It just means that they can tell that you work out. It could also be a compeititive thing something that loosely translate sinto -- "I'm into fitness myself. I'm not as in shape as you are.
I'm jealous of your mastery of your own health and physique" Or perhaps what they are trying to say is: I wish I could believe that you're not lightyears out of my league. I'm attracted to you, and would love to actually make a real pass, but I'm completely convinced you're going to shoot me down in a martian minute, and I don't deal with rejection so well." I think your fears of appearing butch are unfounded.
