I want to end my engagement

Dear Diana,
I was to get married in March but due to a bereavement in the family, it was postponed. It is an arranged marriage and we have been engaged for 10 months. Now the guy says he is taking up a job in Qatar so he can't marry for at least another two years. Frankly I am also keen not to get married to this guy. I feel he is not the right choice. I am not at all comfy with his parents and sisters. Am I doing the right thing breaking off the engagement?
-u00a0LM


Illustration/Satish Acharya

Dear LM,
You say it is an arranged marriage so it is obvious that you don't know the guy well. Both of you have not got a chance to get to know each other in the past few months. Now that he has got a job in Qatar, there is not much time left to be with him. Before you take the extreme step of breaking your engagement, think twice. First, you need to speak to him and express your fears as two years is a long time. Second, ask him if he would like to reconsider his decision and tie the knot with you prior to his departure. You may feel that he is not right, but get to know him first, only then take your decision accordingly.

She's always cribbing about her guy

Dear Diana,
My office colleague constantly cribs about her boyfriend. She keeps on telling me about how he treats her. Initially I used to sympathise with her but now feel that I should tell her to break off with him. Should I tell her?
-u00a0Reema

Dear Reema,
It all depends on how close you are to her. If you tell her outright, she may not like it as it is none of your business. So tread with caution as you don't want to ruin her love life. Test the waters, gauge her reaction and then guide her.

Friends deserted me after my divorce

Dear Diana,
I am 39 years old. A year ago, I went through a bitter divorce. It was an agonising time as I was keen on a reconciliation but my wife was adamant. My seven-year-old daughter lives with my ex-wife who works in a bank. During the divorce most of my friends dumped me as they sided with my former wife. I ended up losing a lot of my mates as they were keen to keep her happy. I feel very lonely now and would love to meet someone. But I am finding it hard to move on.u00a0
- Amar

Dear Amar,
I can understand what is going on in your mind. Personal upheavals take a long time to heal. You are divorced, your child is with your ex-wife and your friends too, don't have sympathy for you. There is this vacuum in your life. But remember you just can't meet someone. You may take a while to connect with someone again. You have to go about making new friends and develop a social life with a fresh set of folks. I am sure you can hang out with some of your office colleagues and through them meet others. It will take a while so have patience.