30 November,2010 11:28 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
I am 28. I have been married to this guy for the past two years. It was a love marriage and we had known each other for three years before we tied the knot. Everything was fine, but a couple of months back, the firm he was working for shut down and he lost his job.
Yes, money is a bit tight, but I still have a job and it is just a matter of time before he gets one, but when I tell him this, he gets even angrier. His language is abusive and once he came very close to hitting me. Heu00a0 even blames me for the situation. Every time he says such things, a part of me dies.
There was a time when he adored me, thought I was special, called me the light in his life, but now he is full of abuses. What should I do?
Divya
Dear Divya,
It is trying times like these that test your patience and your marriage. Your husband is going through a really bad time and while not justified, I can understand his anger/frustration. In our traditional society, thereu00a0 is a lot of pressure on a man to be the bread winner, so being dependent on you must be killing him.
I know right now, you are also in need of love and caring in your pregnant state, and I would advise you to not let his behaviour upset you.
You have to be patient, else you and your husband will not make it out of the dark. It is easy to support each other when things are going great but now you have to make that extra effort.u00a0 Maybe you can both go away from the city for sometime.
A break might do you both good. Send out word to all friends and well-wishers that he is looking for a job, someone will suggest something. He will go back to being the guy who loved you, once he comes out of his dark mood. Would he agree to see a therapist? Because that would help.
If not, have a family elder (his side) speak to him. Distract him from your problems. Go out for movies, and do other stuff that keeps him occupied. If he has a hobby that he never found any time for before, suggest he make use of his free time to do so. Make him stay positive and you stay positive too.u00a0u00a0
Being pressurised to get a tattoo...
Dear Diana,
I am 17. My friends have decided to go together and get a tattoo on New Year's Eve. I think tattoos are stupid and too much pain for too little gain, but if I tell them this, they'll think I am a coward. How do I get out of this?
Asmita
Dear Asmita,
Tell them something like you want to be an air hostess and getting a tattoo will spoil your chances. Or that you have a blood condition and the doctor has advised you not to get a tattoo. You could say that you are allergic to the ink. Just lie your way out of this one. Peer pressure can be tough.
My son, a bully's victim...
Dear Diana,
My son is in Std X and has been attending coaching classes for one subject. For the last few months, he stopped going, always giving some excuse or the other. I tried to find out, but he never told me.
Then last week, I learnt from his classmate's mother that their teacher was a drunk bully and my child was his main target. That's why he stopped attending his class. I don't know if I should tell my son that I know the truth and he can be sure I support him on this. If yes, how do I go about it?
Carol
Dear Carol,
What would be the point of telling him? You'd make him suspicious. He'd think you have been spying on him. Just tell him that you are sure he has a reason, and that you are willing to take care of it. Ask him if anyone was bullying himu00a0-- a teacher or a student.
Tell him that you've heard stories of a teacher in that classes creating trouble for some students last year. If he wants to open up, he will after that reference. Just keep reiterating that he should not be afraid. And no matter how big the problem, there is always a solution. Ask him if he wants private tuition or change his classes.
