27 April,2011 07:08 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
After nine years of married life, our marriage somewhat hit a rut and things became mechanical and boring. We knew it was routine and something that happens after a while with kids and responsibilities. So we decided to open up about our needs. The main problem was sex, which had become a chore. So we decided to be completely open aboutu00a0u00a0u00a0 each others true needs, how much ever embarrassing they may be. That's where there was a problem. You see, my husband told me that he likes to be humiliated and dominated during sex. I consequently agreed to it and did the same. Everything after has changed and suddenly things have become brilliant between us including the sex. It's just that sometimes when I think of all the things that I do to him during sex (verbal and physical abuseu00a0-- which he enjoys). I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable about it. Is it silly of me that I feel awkward thinking about it later and not while I am doing it? And how should I get rid of those thoughts? I'm afraid these thoughts might kill our blossoming romance.
Dear Kasturi,
It may seem a stretch that you feel awkward about something you enjoy during the actual act. And if it is doing wonders for your personal life, I think you should just stop complaining and ask your husband to fulfil your fetishes in bed as well. If he's having a good time out of this, shouldn't you? Get him to do what you want, now that you are in a domineering position. Most women would kill to be in your position. Enjoy it for as long as this fascination of his lasts. I'm sure this must come as quite of a shock to you, but if it is only bringing you good, you should make the most of it. I'd say it's natural to have these feelings of awkwardness and that you are not being silly. At the same time, I will say that you had better keep these feelings to yourself
What gift do I get her?
Dear Diana,
I recently met a girl and we seem to get along great even though we've only been on one date so far. We've talked on the phone quite a bit and texted. We have wanted to get together again real soon but I've been sick and so, feel bad about having to prolong our next date. We'll probably be getting together this week sometime. I had an idea in my head for some reason that I should buy her something, nothing expensive or anything, just something. But I don't want her to think I'm being too forward or like I'm trying to get all serious right away. Would it be better/more safe to wait on the gift idea?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
Don't get her anything yet. This early in the relationship, gifts only create more pressure for both people. It almost comes across more as a bribe than as a gift. Instead, go dutch on the dates until you're more sure about a person. Get her a gift after some special event, in commemoration. Gifts should be treated as an accessory to good feelings, not as a way to try to create them. Besides which, she wants to have to win your affections, not get it just for showing up. Take things slow and enjoy the process. It depends on the girl and what she's like though!
