My wife has some leftover baggage from former shaadi

Dear Diana,
My wife has such esteem issues from her ex-husband. They were married five years and have had two kids. She was a beautiful athletic build, a hottie when she was young. He broke her down so bad she feels all men are the same.


Illustration/Satish Acharya

She feels like she is being judged and compared. Just the idea that I was at strip club years ago makes her sick with me having thoughts about her as compared to them. I don't judge, criticise, ridicule or compare her to anyone. I only tell her positive things sincerely.

I hate what these men have done to her mental state. I try to help through each episode that triggers the event. I reassure her my commitment and how beautiful I see her, but she feels like I only do this because of how much I love her. We are now in our forties. Has anyone been through this type of situation?
Sumer

Dear Sumer,
This is serious. Abuse can leave lasting scars on the psyche and the soul. And it's sad that your wife is so wounded from her past marriage. You sound like an incredibly, supportive, loving husband and that's commendable. You wife she needs help to recover. She needs to heal those scars from her abusive past. This will not be an overnight process..it will take time, love and patience from you and the family.

Please call an therapist and see if counselling could help her.u00a0 Give her strength and encouragement... she'll need that. Also encourage her to join a support group online. Sometimes, when wounds are deep enough, they stay with a person for life, but there is hope if she seeks counseling. Please keep helping and supporting her. She needs to take her life back and move forward, because she's emotionally stuck in this painful mode-it's as if the absent ex-husband is still in control of her life. She needs to find self-value and purpose with who she is... everyone should have that.

She wants us to split...
Dear Diana,
I am a 19-year-old guy and I need help urgent. My girlffriend has told me thatu00a0 we should split for a few weeks. She has told me it's not working. I feel like I have been shot in the heart. I don't know how I can live without her, I really don't. I can't go 10 minutes without breaking down. What am I gonna do? I miss and love her so much. Please help me.
Kunal

Dear Kunal,
I know how painful it must be but trust me you will get over her even though it doesnt necessarily feel like it now. Go out with your friends more often and have a laugh with them and it will really take your mind off things even if at first you feel like you can't and you just want to curl up and cry after a while you will feel that it really helps. Remember that she was only part of your life-not your reason for living. Try out new things with your friends such as new clubs and start meeting new people. You'll get over her.

Feeling a strong connect to another woman
Dear Diana,
I am a 27-year-old guy. I'm engaged to a beautiful and lovely girl. I am happy in my relationship, but I recently I have started feeling a strong connection with another woman. I think about her and email her a lot but I am not sure how to deal with it. I haven't told the other woman that I am engaged, and I don't what to do. It is confusing.

Name withheld on request
Dear Friend,
I thnk maybe your engagement has caused a big case of 'cold feet' for you. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, and you need to seriously look at what you could be throwing away if you go for this other woman. Getting engaged, married whatever is a major commitment to another person. You don't sayu00a0 how long you and your fiancee have been together, but I think you hzve to look inwards and find what you truly want before you make any decisions about who you really want to be with and how you want your future to pan out