Shaadi karke phas gaya, ho gaya main barbaad...

Dear Diana,
Two years ago, I had an arranged marriage. We dated for six months before we married. Neither my parents nor I had any problem with her continuing her MBA or staying at a PG near her college.I used to visit her there twice a month.u00a0 Her studies ended six months after the wedding and she came to stay with us.u00a0 She had changed completely.

She would insult my mother and always use the fact that I had a broken engagement behind me against me. I had asked her during the courtship if she had a boyfriend, but she denied it. Three months after the wedding, she told me she had dated a guy for two years. I offered to move out of the way, if she was still interested in him but she denied it and warned me not to mention this to anyone.

I told her in return she should stop talking about my former fianc ufffde and she agreed, but reverted to her old ways soon. She even brings her up when we are in bed just when we are about to get intimate and so I have been unable to consummate our marriage. She told her parents we are yet to do it (though she hid the why) and they came over and started abusing me and my parents loudly.

All our neighbours heard them shouting that she is still a virgin because something is wrong with me. They embarrassed us. We moved to a new home with the hope things will get better but instead her mother started interfering in our lives.

I even saw the doctor because they insisted I do, but he said there was nothing wrong with me and the fault lay with her. Yet, she and her parents are calling all our relatives and defaming us. Now they want a divorce. I don't understand why she is doing this when I have always loved her and fulfilled all her wishes. Do I ask her to drop the divorce? And how do I help my parents overcome this trauma?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
It is rather strange that the marriage hasn't been consummated. She lived away for six months after being married. The problem started only after that, when she came to stay home, right? Anyway, the good news is: that the marriage can be annulled if you have never had intercourse with her. You don't have to wait for a divorce.

You both seem to be a match made in hell. She lied to you about her previous relationship and when the foundation of a relationship is laid on lies, I don't see any future for it. Also, you seem to be put off by her attitude, not to mention her family. The best thing to do was to separate.

Why are you so touchy about your former fianc ufffde? You may want to deal with that. Also, perhaps spend some time thinking why this marriage hasn't been consummated. Whatever the reason, whether health or sexual orientation, face it. No point in running away from the truth.

It will only make you miserable. Accept the truth and you will be much happier. Marriages don't work out sometimes. If you are not happy with any situation, there is always a way out. I would suggest you also see a sexologist. If you decide to stay married, maybe you should both see one together and find a solution to your problems.

He wants sex, but am sweet 17...

Dear Diana,
I am 17 and my boyfriend of eight months is 19. He broke up with me two days back, saying that he can't continue seeing me and not think about sex. Since I am a minor, we can't get intimate. We are really in love and can't stay apart. What do I do? Should I suggest that he satisfy himself with someone else till I turn 18? But I can't bear to think of him with anyone else.

Naina

Dear Naina,
My dear girl, any guy who breaks up with you because you won't have sex with him, is a jerk. Him saying he can't see you and not think about intimacy, is his way of putting weird pressure on you. Don't fall for it. Tell him you won't jump into bed with him. He is free to do as he pleases. It's not upto you to tell him how to satisfy his urges.