24 November,2010 09:21 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
I am 54 years old. I lost my wife in June 2009. Recently, I married a 46-year-old widow, who had lost her husband around 12 years back. In the initial days after we met, we would fight on petty matters, but we thought, once we get married, things would settle down.
Whenever we have a dispute, she always tries to force me to agree with her either by shouting at me, by crying or by threatening me. She always finds faults in everything I do. Sometimes, she threatens me that she will commit suicide. She is making my life hell. I don't know what to do.
Ashok
Dear Ashok,
You didn't have a long courtship, and rushed into marriage. YOU decided in your head that things would sort themselves out, in stead of addressing them. Now you realise that the situation is hellish. What you can do, is have a serious chat with her and tell her this isn't going to work out if things don't get better.
Tell her that you married her for companionship, and if you are both fighting constantly, then you don't see much of a point instaying together. As we grow older, we become more fixed in our ways.
I cannot tell you that she will change. Also, is there a pattern, do you fight about the same things over and over again? If it is a particular problem, discuss it and find a solution that appeals to you both. If not, then it is best to part ways.u00a0u00a0u00a0
Has he lost interest in me?
Dear Diana,
I am a married woman. For the past six months, the builder of my flat has been interested in me. We talk for hours together and have a good relationship, but have not got intimate yet. For the past month, he has started saying he is too busy to be with me. So today I texted him that we should break up. Was I right in doing that?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
It's normal for a woman in a relationship to text a man. But you are married, and for you it is risky to do so. Is this a 'relationship' just in your head and just flirting for him?
Perhaps he has lost interest. In that case, do not chase him. Why are you in a relationship with another man? Are you unhappy in your marriage? Have you considered what this could do to your marriage if your husband found out?u00a0u00a0
Don't want to be his 'other woman'
Dear Diana,
I am 24. There's this guy at work I like and would have liked to be more than friends with, had I not known that he has a fianc ufffde. Recently, he told me things were not going well between them and he was thinking of breaking it off. I sympathised.
A few days later, he clearly told me he was interested in being more than friends with me. I really like him but I don't want to be the 'other woman'. He is yet to break his engagement. Also, how can I trust that he won't cheat on me with someone else? I don't know if he is genuine or he is just fooling me. How do I find out?
Meena
Dear Meena,
You are right in being cautious. Many guys do use the line: "I am unhappy in my relationship". This guy probably sensed you liked him and is telling you sob stories. My guess is, he is looking for that last fling before settling down.u00a0
Make it clear to him that while you like him, you are not ready to be 'the other woman.' Tell him that you are willing to give this a try once he is single. Give him time to figure out what he wants to do. If he is really genuine, he will come to you.u00a0
