28 October,2010 08:52 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
I was with a girl for two years. I was going through some problems and so couldn't give her enough time and attention. During my exams, she told me she will leave me if I continue like this but I didn't take her seriously. When I approached her later, she said she likes someone else now.u00a0
I broke down and told her what I was going through. She sympathised. After that, whenever Iu00a0 called her, sheu00a0 would talk to me. Then I wished her best and we stopped talking. Four days after that, she called to say she missed me, then she dropped in to my home, and behaved like she was still my girlfriend.
I love her very much and I want her back. When I ask for a clear answer, she insists she still loves the other guy, but her actions confuse me.
Name withheld on request
Dear Friend,
Are you sure she has a new "boyfriend?" Have you seen him or heard about him from someone else? Perhaps she is just saying this to make sure you pay her attention. If she comes to see you and talk to you every time you reach out for her, surely there isn't anyone else demanding that from her.
And if she was with someone, he wouldn't like her to still play "girlfriend" to you. Either this girl is genuinely confused, or she is playing you.
If there really is a guy, she isn't being fair to you or to him. You need to give her an ultimatum and tell her to decide which of you she wants to be with. In the meantime, don't meet her or take her calls.
You both have a lot of thinking to do and that will only be possible when there is distance between you both for a period of time. Are you sure this girl is right for you? She seems really immature, considering she decided to give up on a two-year relationship just because you couldn't give her time and attention. Instead of being understanding, she added stress to your life.
She wasn't there when you needed her. That's something to think about. Relationships are not all about fun. You have to see each other through thick and thin. So make sure you choose the right girl, and not some romantic notion of who she is.u00a0u00a0
My boyfriend wears ladies' undies...
Dear Diana,
I am 25 and my boyfriend is 23. I was surprised when I saw him wearing ladies' undergarments. He confessed that he likes it as they are comfortable. His family knows about this. Is it just a harmless quirk or something else? Please advise.
Snehal
Dear Snehal,
Many couples wear each other's inner wear every now and then a while to spice things up. But if he has his own collection, then I'd be worried. If you want to know if that is normal, I would say: Everyone has different definitions of normal. If it bothers you, it bothers you. You have to be okay with it.
She doesn't give me preference over her work...
Dear Diana,
I love and care for my girlfriend a lot, but I get irritated when she does not answer my call or reply to my messages. Sometimes, she replies after four hours. I never keep her waiting for my replies to her messages or calls.
u00a0
Whatever work I may be doing, I give her preference but I do not get the same from her. She is a student. Every time I ask her why she did not reply, she says she was doing some work or the other. She says if she does not reply, it means she is busy. But I feel ignored. Can't she take out just two minutes to reply to me? Am I overreacting?
Abhi
Dear Abhi,
Yes, you are overreacting. Not everyone checks their phone every 30 seconds. Her phone is probably on silent and in her bagu00a0 when she is in class. As long as she calls you back later and replies to your texts, I don't think you should hassle her about not being 'instant'. It's true that some people return calls and texts later, to massage their own sense of self-importance.
Try the same thing on her. Stay inaccessible from time to time for a few hours. If she was playing a trick on you, she would change her ways. If she is genuine, then she will understand. Stop feeling ignored. Don't let your self-worth come from your relationship.
