She loves me, loves me not, loves me, loves me not...

Dear Diana,
I am 21 and in love with a girl for the past 12 years. She was a year junior in school in Kanpur. We were good friends but she went to Delhi and we lost contact. She knew I loved her but I wasn't aware that she loved me too. Finally, we got in touch again in 2006. I proposed to her, but she told me to wait. Later she told me she was committed to someone else. I was mad, but I still loved her.

In 2008, I got into a relationship with another girl. A few months later, I met my first love again. I told her how devastated I was when she refused me, but she said, "Don't worry, anything can happen in the future." I shifted to Bangalore. Both my girls knew about each other.

My girlfriend broke up with me because her family disapproved. I then met my first love again and proposed to her. She said she wanted to be with me and not with her boyfriend. She stopped talking to him, but she resumed when I told her she should stay friends with him.

Then she started avoiding me. I got her enrolled in a college in Allahabad so she won't be near her guy, but she went to Delhi to get some things. When she returned, she said she wanted to be with the other guy. I was shocked. Our families were championing us being together. I learnt from her cousin that she feels that she cannot be the same person with me that she can be with her guy. I am totally lost. I love her. I don't know what my family will say when they know of this.u00a0

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
In my opinion, relations that go off-on, eventually stay off. Judging by what you say, you seem to be more in love with this girl than she is with you. The first time you proposed she asked you to wait, the second time she said she was with someone but hinted at "something in the future" and the third time she said no.

Either she is just being kind or keeping youu00a0 around as Option B, in case Plan A doesn't work out. The fourth time, she got together with you but went back to her boyfriend. Read the writing on the wall: She isn't that into you. Talk to someone close to you, in your family and tell them what has happened.

You can't hide it from them for long anyway. You shouldn't. Your family is the one who always stands by you. Meanwhile, I would say you cut all communication with this girl. And really think about why you want to be with her, when she has proved many times over that you are just a stand-by.

Go away to some place out of the city and just spend time thinking if life would really be that bad without her. You had a girlfriend and managed quite fine. And I am sure you will do just fine without her. It's just something you need to think about.u00a0u00a0

How do I propose to a married woman?

Dear Diana,
I am 28 years old. I am deeply in love with a girl. The problem is, she is already married. How do I propose to her? I am very confused.

Karan

Dear Karan,
You do not propose to a married woman. Why would you, unless she felt the same way and indicated that in some way? Then you'd know how she feels anyway.u00a0 If this is one-sided, I suggest you leave her alone. Or this could get really ugly for you.

He still loves his ex-girlfriend

Dear Diana,
The boy I love, and I have been in a relationship for the past two months.u00a0 Everything was fine, but one day, He told me he cannot forget his ex girlfriend whom he was with during college four years ago. Sometimes, he says he loves me. Sometimes, he says he wants to be only friends.u00a0 I am the only girl he's been involved with after his "unforgettable" ex. I love him and want him back in my life. How do I convince him?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
You cannot convince someone who wants to go, to stay. You need to wisen up. He knows you love him and will be there as a friend, if not his girlfriend. It isn't fair of him to keep you hanging. Be firm and tell him that you want to take a break (no meeting, no calls), and give him time to figure out who he really wants to be with.

Spending time apart is a good thing. You will also be able to sort your head and think clearly. If he is obsessed with his ex, you might be in the same situation a few years down the line. I am sure you don't want that.u00a0