Valentine’s Day 2023: An expert guide to spotting green flags

Navigating dating in today's world is complicated to say the least. Whether it is an abundance of options on dating applications, demanding jobs, logistics, or mental health, the factors impacting our dating lives are far too many. As if that wasn't enough, dating malpractices such as gaslighting and ghosting are also becoming increasingly commonplace.

"I have a tendency to be overtly forgiving according to my friends which translates to bad decision making in my dating life. My ex used to not be consistent in their affection, lacked the ability to communicate, and disappeared at the first appearance of conflict, but things moved swiftly. In hindsight, I know I shouldn't have ignored the multiple warning signs which were there from the start," says 29-year-old Komal Oberoi of her dating misadventures.

We've all been where Oberoi found herself, it can be exhausting to figure out whether someone is worth your time and energy, especially if you've just met. Identifying red flags is more difficult than it seems, according to Yesha Mehta, therapist at The Mood Space. She explains, "Often, in the beginning of romantic relationships, everything may feel hunky dory, filled with rushes of excitement, in turn, leading partners to miss out on potential red flags that may show up later in the relationship. Additionally, in the initial phase, we tend to look at our partner with rose-coloured glasses, impacting our perception of them, and making us look past any red flags they may be displaying. With new relationships, even when these relationships start casually, there may be an emotional bond that settles itself into the relationship over time. And with this, not taking red flags into account may lead to an emotional turmoil."

Once we know what to watch out for, we can seek what to look out for. While those looking to date must stay wary of red flags, they must also keep an eye out for green. "Green flags are positive indicators in a relationship that something is going right, and it's something one has to make a conscious effort to notice. They get a lot less attention; hence, it is something we must actively notice as green flags help us understand what healthy and safe relationships look like. When things are going well, it is easy to take your partner for granted. Making a conscious effort in noticing and acknowledging the green flags will make you feel happier and more content in the relationship. It also helps us break from the cycle of only seeking out what is not working in the relationship.

Dr. Chandni Tugnait, life coach and relationship expert at Tinder shares, "Have you ever been on a date and thought to yourself how great your date is, only to find out later that they're not quite so great after all? It is human to want to know if the connection is genuine and if who you are seeing is truly a good match. Everyone deserves someone who will love and respect you for all of your unique qualities. Luckily, there are some tell-tale signs, or green flags that can give you a read on where things are headed."

If you're looking for a sign that they're the one, Tugnait shares top 7 green flags to look out for.

They make an effort to get to know you
They want to get to know you and your personality. They put in the effort to understand you, your likes and dislikes. If your date/partner is making an effort to get to know you - asking questions about your life, your family, your interests, etc.

You feel comfortable being your true self around your date
Whether it's being open about their likes and dislikes, preferring PJ's over smart jokes or even just being able to sit silently in each other's company, young Indian adults appreciate it when their match makes them feel comfortable being their true, authentic self.

They make you a priority
One of the most important things in any relationship is feeling like you're a priority to the other person. If the person you're dating is always busy or always has excuses for why they can't see you, that's a red flag. One of the most important things in life is to make sure you're giving and receiving full attention and care when dating. In fact, the biggest green flag is when their partner makes their feelings clear about them. You are worth it!

They're interested in your opinion
They want to know everything about you and also share about themselves. They ask for your opinion when deciding something such as the date's venue or just touch base to make sure that everything is chill for both parties whenever they make any plans. This is an excellent sign of consideration and respect which makes one want to give their partner the same consideration that they receive, leading to a healthy partnership over time.

They respect and discuss boundaries
Respecting boundaries is key in any healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise. If your partner respects your boundaries, it's a sign that they respect you as an individual. Some green flag friendly phrases around boundaries include: "What works for you?", "Does this make you comfortable?" and "Is it ok if I do this?" Another green flag is when your partner explicitly discusses boundaries, which helps you not only understand what they need, but also clearly communicate your own boundaries to them as well.

They are vulnerable in front of you
They let their guard down when they're around you and make an effort to allow you into their personal space - not just physically but emotionally too. Being vulnerable is one of the strongest things a person can be. It's powerful because it not only opens up the possibility of being rejected for your true self but also for being deeply understood and loved for your true self.

Verified profiles in case of online dating
When it comes to online dating, there are some green flags to look out for when searching for the perfect match to ensure your crush is in fact, a legit person. A verified profile helps with the satisfaction of knowing your match is legit, giving you the mental peace to get to know them and see where the vibe goes.

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