She's better than me. Learn to say, So what!

5 time grammy winner Amy Winehouse pushed a dancer she says was intimidated by. FYI tells you why even rockstars get insecure, and how to build self-belief to get ahead at work

5 time grammy winner Amy Winehouse pushed a dancer she says was intimidated by. FYI tells you why even rockstars get insecure, and how to build self-belief to get ahead at work

To feel threatened by another is to have surrendered without fighting, and you aren't a cubicle coward, are you? Insecurity at work can make problems spiral from bad to worse, if not handled right. Rehab singer Amy Winehouse, for instance, let impulse take over, and ended up in court.u00a0 At a charity event, she shoved a dancer-fan whom she was "intimidated by", thanks to the "other woman's" towering persona and forthcoming gestures. Her explanation to London's City of Westminster magistrates' court was, "I wanted her away from me.
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It was more like an indication of 'leave me alone, I'm scared of you'." What Amy did not realise, however, was that it wasn't the woman in question who she wants away from her, but what she felt against her. In most cases, insecurity is but a function of under confidence and complacency, and here's more on how to get past it.

At a recent charity event Rehab singer Amy Winehouse pushed a dancer-fan whom she got "intimidated by", thanks to the other woman's towering persona and forthcoming gestures. pic/Getty Images

Fear is a factor
It is important to understand the reasons behind the problem before arriving at a solution. Here are some of the factors that could give rise to insecurity:
>>Favouritism: You work your a'' off, but your boss loves you colleague's cleavage to notice you.
>>More knowledge/skill: He/she's better than you are, at work. Period.
>>Friendliness: Your colleague is everyone's buddy. You lose out on congeniality brownie points.
>>Lack of self-esteem: You never thought you were good enough anyway.
>>Age: How can someone so much younger even dare come close?
>>Incompetency: They are going as far as they can. You just aren't delivering.u00a0u00a0

How B-towners deal with it

Emraan hashmi, Actor
I'm not insecure in the least, and frankly, I don't care if anyone compares me with anyone. I'm comfortable where I am, doing what I do best: Playing real, grey characters, rather than idiotic idealistic ones.

Prashant Raj, Actor
As a new actor, working with the likes of Amitabh Bachchan was unnerving. But, they were secure in their position, and helped me with tips. I didn't meddle in their matters and maintained a respectful distance.

Masumeh Makhija, Actor
While working with established actors, you have to learn from them, instead of feeling jealous and insecure. Use the opportunity to bond with them.

Fight insecurity by building self-belief

Minocher Patel Corporate guru and motivational speaker
"At a subconscious level, most of us don't like ourselves. When you see someone better than you as a threat, you start playing games. Insecurity is like a disease, and self-belief is the most effective cure. Accept yourself the way you are, ask yourself how you can do your best in the given circumstance and situation. Improve yourself, but don't compare and complain. For instance, if a colleague is better looking, it doesn't mean something is wong with you. Focus on your strengths."

How to make insecurity your strength
"Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best," Harold W Dodds had said. California-based psychologist-counsellor Reginald Braziel tells you how to make insecurity work in your favour on his Web guide titled, It All Starts In The Mind:
>>Find the root why you often feel the way you do. Is it because of a childhood trauma or some ghastly past experiences? After finding out the root, deal with it by facing this struggle. If necessary, seek
professional help.
>>Figure out the things that you can and can't control. Change the things that you can control and just accept the stuffu00a0 you can't.
>>Turn all the anxieties that you have into positive reinforcement. If possible, jot down all your anxieties over a period of 30 days. Tension and anxieties are usually released when written down on a piece
of paper.
>>Always remember that mistakes are an opportunity to do good. They are there to remind us of the things we need to change.
>>Spend some time with people who influence you greatly, and always bring a positive cheer to the environment.
>>Filter out messages that might ruin your self-esteem, from your mind. It's better you soak in words of encouragement.