‘Reservation for us is a long way off’

Sandhya Nair in Africa for the NGO Save the Child

From the child repeatedly refused admission in schools that claimed her presence would ‘spoil the reputation of the institute,' as she was a daughter of a sex worker, to securing admission in the prestigious United Nations University for Peace for a Masters in Gender Studies and Peacebuilding in Costa Rica - Sandhya Nair has come a long way. But her struggle has not yet ended because she still needs funds to pay for this course. August 15 is the last day for her to pay the fees (she has collected over 50 per cent of the sum) and she hopes people will help her by contributing to get her to move a step closer to her dreams this Independence Day.

"I want to learn about implementation of policies there before changing policies here, as we need to be seen as humans first. There is a policy that allows citizens to use medical services but the doctors refuse to treat us just because of who we are, even if it is for STDs which is a public health concern. I want to implement the safety measures taken in brothels of Amsterdam to Kamathipura. Also, we children of sex workers should be allowed jobs such as nurses in clinics - reservation for us is a long way off," she said.

‘Movie focused on one aspect'

The 25-year-old who has done BSc in Psychology, spoke about misconceptions people have about the red-light district and how the movie Gangubai Kathiawadi did not paint the entire picture. "People think Kamathipura is a place of disgrace and disgust but it is actually a place full of women who want the best for their children. People think it is a ruthless place, but it is filled with kindness and sisterhood. Also, I have never seen a sex worker's child become a sex worker," Nair said. The movie, she said, only focused on human trafficking which is a small part of the issue, but did not focus on the struggles of sex workers who chose to do that work. "My mother had to feed eight children. It would have been impossible to do so with jobs like washing people's utensils; she did not want us to starve," she said.

Nair's healing began she said when she stopped blaming her mother for her struggles, and when she looked at her as a human being and not just a mother. Nair said when we think of untouchability we think of it as only related to caste and religion, but "We - children of sex workers - face untouchability, too, which leads to severe self-hate." She said she found her identity in a school where she lied to get admission, and children did not want to sit next to her. "People did not believe my surname was Nair as it is associated with ‘upper castes'," she said.

Recovering from self-hate

She said among the significant actions that broke through a bit of the severe self-hate she experienced, was intense eye contact with herself in the mirror and her regular practice of writing thank you letters to herself. "Once I broke down and went to the washroom and looked straight into my eyes, for the first time observing small things and that built a connection. My first thank you letter to myself saw me apologising to my body for self-harm and appreciating the things it had done for me. Gratitude heals," she said.

She recalled her first encounter of kindness outside Kamathipura was from the co-founder of Kranti, an NGO nurturing children of sex workers to become agents of social change. She said at the university she wants to learn how to communicate effectively with children of sex workers who haven't found their footing. "My university will have students from various countries, I want to understand their perception of problems and how they solve them," she said.

Would you like to help?

Readers can help contribute to her education by contacting her: nairsandhya754@gmail.com; Instagram: Sandhya__1818 or visit Milap website to support her. With her final date to pay her fees on August 15, she has raised around R8 lakh and needs Rs 7 lakh more.