A (s)table for two

With Valentine's Day around the corner, here are a few insane ideas to get you into that mood for mush.
This columnist is wondering...

Whether people with names like Gulab Chand are in more demand on Sunday, since roses are part of the Valentine folklore.

If Cupid (with the bow and arrow) could ever win an archery medal at the Olympic Games, considering that he is always practicing.

Whether lovers on the Bandra rocks regularly rescued by cops, could ever act in an advertisement for Tide washing soap.

Whether all those middle-aged office-goers have bought their cuddly Archies teddy bears and heart baubles for their blushing office colleagues.

Whether the Valentine's Day party poopers would be too busy tearing down film posters and doing other assorted attention grabbing acts this weekend, to bother about lovers this time.

Whether one candle tells another at a Valentine's dinner: Don't look at the other table, but there's my old flame
Whether you know that detective agencies seem extra busy on such days tracking down unfaithful lovers and spouses, who are off to meet the significant 'other'.

Whether roses in the Dadar flower market, say to each other: It is a good time to earn our 'rosy-roti' today.
Whether a piece of toast tells another: I would rather go on a Valentine's date with the other slice; he seems so well-bre(a)d.

Whether Mumbai opticians will throw away their contact lenses on Sunday and sell rose-coloured spectacles making you look like one of those kitschy-cutout heroes who wear flary pants, flowery shirts and coloured spectacles with a gold chain and medallion dangling from the neck.

Why people go to bars and drink mocktails like Purple Passion, Luscious Lips,u00a0 or whatever on this special day? And who really thinks of these names?

Whether one watch dancing with another at a Valentine's Day ball says to the other: Watch those roving hands, dahling.

Whether one tennis racket tells another: Perfect day for a love match.

Why Jacqueline the sensational filly that won the Derby on February 7, cannot have a good-looking colt or stud as a date on Valentine's Day, and would Jacqueline's owners or trainer, Pesi Shroffu00a0 book a (s)table for two for the horse and her date.

Why are you reading this tripe, anyway?