Alcoholic charm

Australia is the world's thirteenth largest economy. So they have more dough to squander than Indians. Perhaps that is why recently they gathered 1000 people and conducted an expensive study ufffd Does alcohol make the opposite sex look attractive?

Almost every Indian knows the answer already. We don't need a rocket scientist or even a Dr Mallya to tell us that the result of such a study will definitely be a yes. What we might lack in fiscal muscle, we make up with our common sense.

With 496.4 million women in this country we don't have time to waste on our Ps and Qs. We simply simplify things. Fancy that chick in the front row in the class? A French dude might get flowers from the florists or if you are English maybe write a love sonnet.

A desi guy will just send his guy friend to the nearest theka to get a pauwa. Two pegs down the gullet, and suddenly the shayyar in him tumbles out. He'll get closer to her in one daru reeking breath and blurt out all the praises about the nooks and corners of her body she herself had no idea about until the faithful encounter.

The Australians are conducting the experiment in 2011. Our glorious nation has been doing it since time immemorial. But I will cite only recent examples just to keep the argument fair. We officially conducted the first test and got positive results in 1917 with Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay's Devdas. From Phani Sarma in 1927 to Dilip Kumar in 1955 to Shahrukh Khan in 2002 and Abhay Deol in 2009, each one has proved that a bottle in Devdas' hand keeps Paro and Chandramukhi's wrinkles and love handles away. Of course, now the Australians are finally aware ufffd Kambakht Devdas kya bardasht karne ko pita hai.u00a0

Thus, there is nothing new that the experiment proves. Drunk Indian men in airplanes have shown considerable appreciation for air hostesses' beauty since day one. Sober men who are blind as bats in dimly lit night clubs have showed considerable reaction to female stimuli once alcohol has traversed into their system. Men who come in contact with the opposite sex in social environments like marriage functions, crowded buses, trains or lonely roads have always found contours of the opposite sex appealing enough to be touched, pinched, spanked or mauled.u00a0

So was the experiment a total failure? Absolutely not. Out of the lot, three per cent of the women participants found men, who were a couple of pints of pegs down, attractive. Now India must get its act together, pool in all its resources, and bring those three per cent Australian women home.