Chaddi chapters for Sri Ram Sene

Tinaz Nooshian Features Editor, MiD DAY, feels it's time Pramod Mutalik and his men learnt what underground culture stands for

Walkovers are dreary. They leave you feeling cheated. Pramod Mutalik, convener of Sri Ram Sene has withdrawn from the ongoing Valentine's Day fracas after promising a dose of drama, when he had announced on Wednesday that khadi saris would be dispatched as return gifts to "misguided" youngsters who were skipping lunch break to deposit pink underwear at designated collection centres in various urban metros. This donation-of-a-different kind would find its way to the Sene's Mangalore office on February 14, online activists of the The Pink Chaddi campaign had hoped.

Spoilsport Mutalik withdrew his fringe saffron group's threat to marry off couples found dating on Valentine's, with a whimper of an excuse. Even if a mob of his men dragged women by their hair out of a Mangalore pub, violence was never on their agenda. "Creating awareness" about Indian culture, was.

Undeterred by the logistical snag of the Chaddi operation, supporters dunked drab innerwear in vats of cherry dye, even willingly signing up to FedEx undies directly to Mutalik's residence. Now what? The shipment is scheduled to arrive, and what Mutalik chooses to do with this pink pile of jersey, lycra (lace, even?) is what's tickling my imagination.

Dig in there, sir, and through a mound of utility underwear, you will enter an oceanarium of fantasy.

A Thong, the raciest of the species, it doesn't have enough of itself to cover the butt; a triangle of fabric in the front sewn to two elastic strings that meet each other at perpendicular angles. Best bought in a size smaller than you are. It has an alias, the G-string, which when robbed of one of the two elastic bands, becomes the C-string; devoid of a waistband, it's a C of fabric that clamps onto the body, shaped not very differently from your average hair band.

The Tanga is a shade less audacious, with a spacious triangle of fabric replacing the vertical elastic band at the rear.

Boyshorts (look best in a sheath of organdy) ride way below the navel, with the leg area skimming the crotch.

When you add an inch or two of fabric to Boyshorts, you get the demure Hipster, named so because of where it sits on the body.

Flutter panties sit on the waist, secured by elastic, but are floppy-frilly at the bottom. Yummiest in satin.
So, why am I telling this Mr Mutalik all of this? Creating awareness about underground culture.