Hello, you're in cue

As the days of festivities burst upon us and God bestows his divine blessings on Mumbaikars, it is time to give those grey cells a break and take solace in the fact that in the hurly-burly of our life, this is no time to be surly. So, while crowds sing and dance their way through this weekend, this columnist is wondering...

Whether one iron tells another, "Step over that crease and I'll rule it as a no-ball..."

Whether a horse that goes on a number of foreign trips is a globetrotter...

Whether God will forgive us and not pile on the pounds if we gorge on sweets right now, or whether it would still be a matter of: one moment on your lips, forever on your hips...

Whether one stiletto goes to the doctor only to receive the answer, "Stiletto, 'heel' (heal?) thyself..."

Whether one traffic signal tells another, "Hey, stop winking at me..."

Whether one clock tells the love of his life, "You are hours, minutes and seconds to none..."

Whether Mumbai's local trains will enter the 'Bogie' woogie dance contest on television...

Who will succeed Narayana Murthy as Infosys chief once he steps down next year...

Whether one golf course tells another, "Well let's meet for hi-'tee' one of these days..."

Whether a plate of custard tells its shivering and quivering jelly companion, "Hey go to the gym, look after your diet, and get rid of that jelly belly..."

Why Venus Williams insists on looking like a complete fright at the US Open with her unfathomable outfits...
Whether a runway has no option but to do some "plane" talking...

Whether the mice of the world would spout Karl Marxian ideology, gather in a group telling each other, "Mice of the world, unite; you have nothing to lose but your computer wires," in the same vein as, "Workers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains..."u00a0

Whether industrialists like the Ambanis, Birlas, and Singhanias would buy yachts and sail them in Mumbai's rainwater-filled potholes next monsoon...

Why one angry bottle tells another, "I really blew my top at the meeting the other day..."

Whether one chessboard (nudge-nudge-wink-wink) asks another with a giggle, "Hey do you want to watch some pawn?"

Why billiards cues do not become Mahanagar Telecom Nigam Limited (MTNL) operators as MTNL's favourite line is: aapan raangeth aahat (you are in queue 'cue'?)

But kyun (why?) are you reading this tripe, anyway?u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0

Hemal Ashar is Assistant Editor, MiD DAY