01 January,2010 08:33 AM IST | | Hemal Ashar
As 2010 rolls in and yet another year is upon us, this columnist is wondering:
Whether you have received one of those numerous messages wishing you a happy new year which read: May you have the hunger of Tiger Woods and the energy of N D Tiwari this 2010.
Whether you are as confused as many other people about drinking and deadlines, music and loudspeakers, permits and walking on the road drunk or whatever.
Why men think the new year gives them a special license to grope women in a crowd of revellers.
What you will be doing to cure the morning hangover.
How much cellphone carriers earn with all these new year messages flying around.
Do cows laugh at elephants saying no one makes trunk calls anymore because they all have moo-biles?
Whether if one took a New Year resolution poll, losing weight would top the charts?
Whether the sea-link toll should be doubled or trebled for New Year's Eve, or removed altogether.
Whether you are chuckling in glee at all those revellers hauled up for drunken driving or whatever on New Year's Day or watching their liquor enviously while you reach out for glass number nine at home?
Whether you know that lots of Mumbai's New Year parties serve pani puri with liquor in it, instead of the traditional pani, in a heady example of globalisation?
Whether if Ken was Indian he would sing, 'come on bhabhi let's go party' instead of 'come on Barbie let's go party'?
Whether you, like some of the unluckier mortals including this columnist, are also working on New Year Day?
Whether you belong to a generation which remembers how excited entire families would get on New Year's Eve, huddling in front of their black-and white television sets to watch gajra-wearing ladies say Happy New Year on Doordarshan?
Whether Santa Claus has exited the city post-Christmas or he is still lurking around somewhere because his reindeer sleigh broke down and he could not find a mechanic who could fix it.
Whether cows are laughing at elephants saying, "Who makes trunk calls to wish their loved ones a happy new year anymore? They all use moo-biles."
Why you do not go for a New Year bash with a chess champ like Viswanathan Anand so that you could tell him, "pick up the check, mate!"
Why you are reading this tripe anyway.
