Lions do the grrrrba

Now that the season of nine nights is upon us, and Mumbai is rocking to the season, with all its problems momentarily forgotten in the adrenaline rush that dandiya brings, this columnist is wondering ufffd

Whether a pride of lions and lionesses will do the grrrrba this Navratri and would they also roar in approval to 'Munni badnaam hui, darrrling tere liye'.

Whether commuters at Mumbai railway stations should gyrate to 'Disco station, disco ufffd.' in an effort to lighten the burden of daily train travel.

Whether a vintage car can claim benefits that a senior citizen is entitled to.

Whether a saltshaker tells its pepper mate, "You better shake it, baby."

Whether one has to be a thief, dacoit or out-of-work actor to make it to the House of Bigg Boss

Whether an old, faded pair of jeans tells its friend, "You know all these new fangled denims, we cannot relate to them; I guess it is the jean-eration gap."

Whether bottles of wine moonwalk la Michael Jackson in their cellars as they sing: "It doesn't matter if it is red or white."

Why an idli item on an Udipi menu does not jump off the table and do an item number, now that Bollywood is full of item girls?

Whether Navratri mandals will stock energy drinks like Red Bull and Gatorade to keep you hopping all through.

Whether one beer bottle tells another, "Hey, you should go to the gym and watch your diet; you are getting a beer belly."

Why we need to applaud Indian athletes at the Commonwealth Games with our heads, not our hearts as Commonwealth medals may not translate into Olympic medals. London 2012 would be the real test.

Whether a tubelight has no option but to have a test tube baby.

Whether one pair of spectacles tells the other, "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses but it all depends on the frame." And the other responds, "But don't you know that love is blind?"

Why if one can say 'Cyrus the Virus' one cannot also say 'Hormuz the Thermos'?

What if the Eiffel Tower breaks an arm, would the orthopaedic wrap it in plaster of Paris?

Whether one cow on the dance floor tells the other, "Some cool moo-ves those are."

Whether one ear of corn in love with another says, "Hum aapke hai corn?"

Why buckets of coal have no option but to form a coal-ition government?

Why are you reading this tripe, anyway?