Pe(h)le aap, Pele aap

This columnist is wondering, Whether you have heard of the rumour, gaining traction by the minute, that the North Korea football team routed 7-0 by Portugal in the World Cup, was going home and sent into the coal mines to work as punishment for their performance.

Whether these rumours are the price one pays for being part of a secretive regime where the real news and the truth about most things from the political situation to football is very elusive.

Whether you know that Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's son, it was also said used to flog Iraq footballers that did not perform well and also force them to take a bath in raw sewage.

Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's son, used to flog Iraq players, who did not perform well and forced them to take a bath in raw sewage

Whether this kind of punishment, fact or fiction, should be recommended for Indian sports officials who seem to be stuck to their top posts for years.

Whether athletes are falling off their chairs laughing at the thought of sports authorities bathing in raw sewage, Iraq style.

Whether you have also read that the Nigerian president has actually dissolved the nation's football team following their poor show at the World Cup, which means Nigeria is not going to play international football for a couple of years now.

Whether hordes of men are saying special Paraguay prayers hoping that it wins the World Cup, after a lingerie model from that country promised to run naked down the streets if Paraguay wins.

Whether even the elephants in the game reserves of South Africa have caught theu00a0 spirit and are saying to each other, it is time we blow the vuvuzelas, not our trumpet.

Whether Karan Johar would make a movie with Shahrukh Khan as football coach making eyes at Kajol playing football in that trademark Manish Malhotra chiffon sari and both of them singing: "kya karoon haay, coach, coach hota hain".

u00a0Whether one football winks at the other saying: "don't think of it as being kicked around, think of it as all these hunks playing footsie with us".u00a0

u00a0Whether custodians at the football World Cup listen to the Bollywood number, go(a)li(e) maar bheje main as their music mantra. Why legendary football Pele does not come out of retirement to play football for an Indian club, as opponents here would allow him to take possession of the ball saying, Pe(h)le aap, Pele aap.

Why don't you watch the World Cup, instead of reading this tripe anyway?