Phrases that fit like gloves

The linguist crazy would simply love this by those that do it the best ufffd the British. As the run-up to Prince William and Kate Middleton's April 29 wedding heats up with television programs on the couple, we hear the Brit press had dubbed Kate Middleton as Waity Katie because she waited years for William to propose. Waity Katie is a tabloid journo's delight.

Usually, people have a perception that journalists can be bought with a fistful of rupees. Other intoxicating stories swirling around say they can be bought for as little as a few bottles of booze. I say if you want to win over a journalist, lure him with a catchy description, a memorable epithet or an alliterative phrase and he would throw the money into the sea and smash that bottle because it is nifty names that make us open throttle.

So, whoever thought of the name Silk Smitha for a South Indian actress has to be a genius. The name has a South siren like quality to it. It slips off the tongue like gossamer gab. Now, something like Nylon Neetu (for Neetu Singh maybe?) just does not fit as well. It is intangible; some names tend to be just right while others, they do not have that indescribable perfect quality.

Journalists responsible for thinking up headlines and writing captions in newspapers know there is nothing like a clever catchphrase. They dream of days when they would have to give a headline for a news report stating that a man called Rex was caught one too many times with his pants down. Imagine the glee with which they could dub him: Durex Rex.

Former Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee who was flying out of the country was dubbed Shuttle Bihari Vajpayee. That clever twist was 'Atall-y delightful'. A certain film magazine used to give stars nicknames like Garam Dharam for Dharmendra; Zeenat was Zeenie Baby and Sridevi was Thunder Thighs.

One dreams of someone called Mr Mistry shooting to fame (or notoriety) but the man should have a penchant for crisply ironed garments, so we could call him Istri Mistry. A Cyrus, I think has already been called Cyrus the Virus. Now, one waits for somebody like a Hormuz to emerge who should own a company that makes flasks so that one could call him Hormuz the Thermos.

Of such insanities are the tabloid twists made of. So claim not that patrakars sell their souls for assorted freebies ufffd we cannot be bought for money or love, unless we get a phrase that fits like a glove!