Prison city

For a long time, a question has been burning in my heart. What is the purpose of pigeons? Apparently their generous shit is full of fertilisers, but since they are city birds who nest in buildings, what's the point of that? Sure, you can similarly ask, what is the point of humans. But you cannot fool me into changing the subject, you pigeon stooge.

Yes they delivered secret messages in love and war, and one pigeon called Cher Ami was awarded the French Cross of War medal ufffd but now we have email. The last known person to extoll the virtues of pigeon mail was Bhagyashree Patwardhan and look where she is now (no dear, she is not in the Himalayas; she is married to one).



In Egypt at least, they eat them. We, on the other hand feed them. Some folks believe that they will never go hungry in their next life if they feed pigeons in the present one. Others believe that when a person dies, his or her soul assumes the form of a bird and therefore by feeding pigeons people are caring for the souls of their departed ancestors. Why pigeons? Why not parrots flashing in the rain? Why not sweet little sparrows perched on the tree? Only self-hatred ufffd or a cruel self-knowledge perhaps ufffd can imagine the soul as a pigeon.

Wouldn't it be better to examine this self-hatred instead of feeding pigeons?

Pigeon feeders, did you know that feral pigeons ufffd the kind we have in cities ufffd can breed up to eight times a year? The frequency of breeding is in direct proportion to the abundance of food. And while we're on this, who is sponsoring the pigeon propaganda? Who is promoting these subliminal messages where people feeding pigeons in movies experience warm, fuzzy emotions? Where's the Censor Board when you need it?

People don't mind killing rats, but no one will allow me to buy a gun to shoot pigeons. Perhaps they fear the Pigeon Escalation Trust of Andheri (PETA) and they have not, unlike me, woken up from an innocent afternoon nap, to discover that pigeons have started to build a nest in the space between my ankles.

In case you too entertain genocidal fantasies about pigeons, let me just tell you, forget poison. Because even if some pigeons eat the poison and die, the remaining won't flee the neighbourhood. They stay on knowing there will be more food per bird, and the more food they have, the more they do it, and the more pigeon babies there are. Pigeon babies takes two months to leave the nest, so if you, like me, have one on the window ledge ufffd now's a good time to check out Vipasana if you're the curious kind.

I too, was innocent once.
I laughed and said pigeons are stupid birds. Alack! Pigeons, it's been found, can recognise your face. They can tell two human beings from each other in a photograph. If this does not make your blood run cold, obviously no pigeon has looked at you beadily from the ledge while you boldly threatened it with death from behind the shut window. Nor have you wondered what it means that you pay the EMIs, while they lay eggs in your loft, bookshelf, and bathroom; that they fly free, while you sit trapped in your house, every window shut, or else, shroud your building in a prison of fishing nets. And you thought you were keeping them out? Bitter laugh.
If there was ever a more diabolical species than humans, surely it is pigeons. Beware.

Paromita Vohra is an award-winning Mumbai-based filmmaker, writer and curator working with fiction and non-fiction. Reach her at www.parodevi.com.

The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper.