The godmen of our times

They are one of India's most peculiar products, our saffron-clad 'godmen'. I say Indian because the term doesn't really have the same connotations outside our borders. In the West, a 'godman' is more of a divine incarnation -- one who doesn't stray beyond the confines of religious texts. Here, he becomes a quasi-theatrical character, a made-for-television product.

Here, the mandatory beatific expression on his face appears before you on major highways, and looks you in the eye from Page 3. Our godmen try hard to ooze charisma, charm the socks off Bollywood stars or the odd business baron. They travel with saffron-clad entourage, compelling women and more than a few men to shriek with happiness in their august presence.

Another thing that makes them special is the fact that they are unusually media-savvy beings. "Pop changes from week to week, month to month; but great music is like literature," says one spiritual guru -- a man obviously unfamiliar with both, literature as well as the enduring qualities of The Beatles.

Spirituality isn't about one man's conversation with God anymore. It comes with a business plan these days
This is what makes the sex scandals currently making headlines so welcome. They are a reminder (a video-enhanced one) that faith is a precious commodity, not to be placed at the feet of every fourth dude advocating a new breathing technique.

What if I decided to become a godman? To take arms against my sea of troubles and opt for a private chopper instead? In fact, given how hard I've worked these past couple of years, I could say I owe it to myself. Why take the packed 8.45 am local when business class tickets could be right around the corner? All I'd have to do is play my cards right -- revive a forgotten religious text, or introduce a new stretching exercise. Then, by forcing myself to smile more and giggle coquettishly, I could change the shape of my bank balance within a month or two.

There are other gimmicks I could pull off. Like a trademark solid handshake, offered to all those in line for a darshan. I could be Handshake Baba, the spiritual leader sweeping away heartache with a well-meaning grasp of your palm.

What this rant boils down to is that spirituality clearly isn't about one man's conversation with God anymore. It now comes with a business plan; with marketing, syndication and publishing rights. Do it well; you could have a hundred ashrams in 46 countries named after you.
Scandal or no scandal, then, expect your next big godman soon. Put away your money. And start praying.