The richest of them all...

Poor Lakshmi Mittal. He walks around thinking he's the richest Indian on Earth. His mansion in Belgravia, his extensive steel plants in places as far flung as Azerbaijan and Luxembourg, his daughter's lavish wedding waste, and his top-of-the-line private jets, all just add to the mirage. Poor, poor guy. He actually thinks that the Fortune listings are accurate on who owns the mostest what and where.

Unfortunately, Mukesh bhai seems to suffer from the same delusion. Sure he runs one of India's largest companies. Sure, he owns a huge jumbo of a jet, has a massive 27 storey home coming up on the country's toniest, priciest per-square foot address, and can now actually buy Versace without adding a Gujju intonation to it.u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0
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But these rich cats are mere piffles.u00a0 Dig a little and the mere Lakshmi Lakhs and Ambani Annas are trifles compared to some dizzyingly mountainous piles of moolah.

So this then, is the unofficial Fortune listing of the biggest Indian fortunes.

The Koda Crores: Frankly, nobody in the cultural cognoscenti or society chatterati can figure out what all the fuss about Koda is. So he became Chief Minister and skimmed off lots of money. So he created fake benaami accounts and Swiss bank accounts. And so, he made crores and crores and crores and even more crores of the green stuff. But isn't that par for the course for every Chief Minister? Why on earth are they making such a fuss of him in the news and putting the poor man into hospital with the stress?u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0

The Maya Millions: Another State. Another Chief Minister. Another coupla scams. And hey, another richie-rich that can make Bill Gates look like a pauper, is made. How do you go about spending it? Well you don't, you ignoramus. You just hide it in the home-village and in Zurich vaults. And let the state you run, continue spending for your daily daal and diamonds.u00a0 Not to mention the couple of statues you want to put up of yourself just so the mere mortals can remember your generous deeds of stealing all their money away from them.

The Bellary Billions: You don't even have to be Chief Minister. You just need to control the Chief Minister to rake it in. Scavenge iron ore from a couple of mountains, shoot a few people and there, you have the champagne and caviar lifestyle ready for you.

Further investigation is still on over the Gandhi gazillions. But meanwhile our reporters at Unofficial Fortune tell us that another private fortune now being collated is so large they're actually coining a new phrase for it: The Jaya Jinormousillions.

Poor Mr Mittal. One can only wonder whether he can afford his next square meal.