Can you hear the drums, Lobo Lobo?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Lobo Lobo came over very excited, wearing a flashy jazzy outfit. "Mamma Mia, can you hear the drums, Fernando sorry Dikuna men, ring ring why didn't you give me a call?" he crooned at me.

"Okay, Lobo Lobo, I get that ABBA has made a comeback after four decades, their new songs are streaming, but can you talk normally."

"Okay Bossie, don't like my singing or wot, I am in de Our Blessed Sacrament Parish, Virar choir… and I have two bands… you know or wot… one is a speciality band for weddings and one quartet is for private parties, got it, chhe?"

"Sorry didn't mean to put you down… just didn't know you were an ABBA fan!"

"See men, I prefer de Carpenters and Perry Como and Englebert Humperdink. But de biggest news is de Swedish legends are making a return after long and dat has given us de ‘josh' to do de same!" Lobo Lobo announced.

"Who's uhm we?" I enquired with some trepidation.

"Okay Bossie, lemme rewind, see men, in de late '80s, my better half Myrtle and her one sass, Magdalena were a hit duo, ‘Two Mpresses', dey called demselves… you get de pun me? Bot de girls have fust names wid ‘M", so ‘Empress' became ‘Mpresses' - she's de older one and de younger, Magdalena… ohohoho wot a voice men, she's like Whitney only… dey used to sing dat song na of ‘Sister Sledge', ‘We Are Family, I got all my sisters wid me'. Wen I first met Myrtle, at de St Theresas Parish contest, we used to both live in Bandra, we were neighbours, men.We were part of de Christmas choir, uff dat Magdalena, whe she sang ‘Hark de Erald Angels come'… it felt like all de Angels dey came down to earth!"

"Also, Dikuna men, I never tolded you… I'm a wizard on de keyboards, I'm like dat Louis Banks... ‘phhrrrr phrrr' my fingers fly up down on de keys. So myself, Myrtle, Magdalena and her hubby Quentin teamed up and formed a music band called, ‘De Party Poopers'. We used to play at all big big bashes, on ships… we played at dat ‘Talk of de Town', off Marine Drive, you know where dey now eat dose pizzas…"

"We used to play at weddings… oho ho all de hits, ‘Birdie Dance' and ‘My Achey Breaky Heart'. Den somewhere in de '90s, we had solid politics in de band, Quentin and Magdalena tought dey were better dan us, dey should earn more money… so I said ‘Ta ta ok by bye'. And for 20 years we had no contact, even de sisters not talking."

"So, I'm guessing everything is hunky dory now and you're all reuniting?"

"Arre Dikuna men, wid all dis COVID Shovid, de sisters' mudder, my mudder-in-law, made dem kiss and make up and dat good-foe-nutting.

Quentin is ‘kadka' so we are back as a band! But I am de bandleader men, I am de boss."

"Okay, so what's the USP of the music?" I asked.

"Dikuna men, we play Western pop songs wid a touch of Bollywood. De rydems are western and we merge dem wid classic Bollywood lyrics… solid fun became."

"So can you give me an example," I asked with horror.

"So you know dat Rajesh Khanna movie, ‘Haathi Mere Saathi', it has a gaana

‘Chal Chal Chal Mere Haathi', so we sing it to de tune of ‘Mamma Mia' and ‘Dum maaro Dum' we set it to de ‘Voulez Vouz' tune… arrey full mazaa dis fuzion becomes… how de guests dance men, its craaazy!"

"Sounds amazing! What's the band named?"

"It's ‘LMAO'," he said.

"Whaat, you've named your band, ‘Laughing My A$% Off'?" I asked, stunned.

"No, no Dikuna, men… it's LMAO."

"‘Lobo Myrtle and Others'," he concluded.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com