Lobo Lobo the patriot

Illustration/Uday Mohite

On August 15, I called Lobo Lobo, and he replied on FaceTime.

"Hello", I said.

"Vande Mataram," he answered.

"Lobo Lobo are you a government official?"

"No men of cuss not."

"Then say, ‘Hello'," I said.

"Okay Dikuna men, chill down, I was trying to sound all dis, patriotic on de day we received de freedom from dose Brexit people!"

On the FaceTime video screen, Lobo Lobo seemed precariously balanced on a height, carrying the Indian Tricolour, a heavy gust of wind moving him and the flag, left then right. "Uhm, Lobo Lobo where are you and why are you draped in the Tricolour?"

"Dikuna men, I'm not draped, it is socko deadly wind dat is taking me and de flag all over men from ‘ere to Timbuktoo!"

"I see a large water tank, above you, what are you doing?"

"It's a obvious quoschun, Dikuna men, it's Independence Day… you don't know or what… ‘Har Har Ghar ka Triranga'… it means ‘In every house you must have tree
colours'."

"Uhm Lobo Lobo, that's a literal translation, the phrase means ‘In every house an Indian flag'… in other words, ‘Every home is Indian'."

"Ya, ya whatever men, your Hindi toh is very good, I know, anyway de main ting is, we all have to put our Indian flag on one's own balcony, or building, tie to de window or put on your terrace to indicate your true patriotism… have you dunne dat, instead of lecturing me about good Hindi?"

"Uhm patriotism is in the mind...," I began.

"All bunkus… it is not enuff to oni tink it, you have to prominently show it… got it?"

"Yes, got it!"

"Arre men, I'm toh having internal issues in my own house oni, wottossay! I'm fully tensed up."

"What sort of issues?"

"Uffff, dat my Lalita Powa mudder-in-law, she refuses to have Indian ‘jhanda' outside her balcony, she insists on tying a Portugal flag… 'ow to argue wid ‘er? Den dat cracked son of mines, Ronaldo. He's mad after his footer cub Manchester Club. So ‘e ‘as put a flag of dere club fluttering outside his window - den, 'e's telling to me, ‘Dad, India Football Federation have been trown out of FIFA… just when footer was getting popular… so one FIFA flag is flying from ‘is window, as a protest.

Den deres my daughter, she's toh one number activist, she and her frens have gone out and put flags, near every pot hole, as a reminder to de atoritiees dat dey need to buck up.

Den dat ‘harami' jeweller in my society, Dinkar Dwarkadas, he is using dis oppotunity to advertise his jewellry store…so from nineteent floe window you can see ‘Chinchi Pinchi Sweety Sonu Dwarkadas Pimpri and Sons' flag is flying!"

In the video I could see, Lobo Lobo looking like Tenzing Norgay atop Mt Everest holding the flag.

"So, to get back to the original question where are you at the moment, are you shooting a Tik Tok video?"

"No Tik Tok video, as building secretary, it is my duty, to place de ‘jhanda' for my

Virar high-rise building in a prominent place. I first tought of de entrance, but one number tree has fallen ezzactly dere oni… our building is, Kanchenjunga Apts, it is tirty floors high, so I decided to tie de flag on our terrace - by my bad luck, dere is no place on our terrace men, two rascals who bought de top floe penthouses have included de terrace by slimily constructing private staircases - den all dose dish antennaes, which I oni installed, occupy so much place - we ‘ave tree Sintex water tanks, den foe five mobile cell towers.

I cannot find any space, so am tying de flag between two dish antennas and one mobile tower.

I tell you, Dikuna men, dere is one ting abut having de tricolour on de tirty tird storey of a building."

"And what is that, Lobo Lobo?"

"All de planes flying over will know how patriotic we are in our building! Chalo got to go men, Dikuna!"

"Bye," I said.

"Har Ghar Triranga," Lobo Lobo concluded, as he almost Mary Poppined away.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul. dacunha@mid-day.com