Mumbai vs Delhi: The baarish debate

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"Jeez, we've been forced to stay indoors for like an entire day!" sighed the Delhi friend [let's be cheeky and call her Carol Bagh]. "It's like sooo not done; my weekly parlour-shalour visits have had to be cancelled for weeks on end. Didn't want to risk getting my Jimmy Choos all wet since it's a really long walk [read: 10 metres] from where my driver drops me off to the door of the salon," she continued.

"Twenty-four hours of nonstop rainfall? Ha! That's like normal pitter-patter here," I replied, nonplussed with her rant. "But, even all the roads are flooded; and we can't get the Maybach or the Jaguar at top speed. Never happened before," she argued. "Ours are the kadak kinds. When floods hit Bombay, speed boats come into play; I doubt you've seen that kind of crazy stuff in your city. It's also when our local trains look like Noah's ark piercing through waves on the Central and Western Lines. And don't get me even started about the Harbour Line," I figured those would be clinchers in this unusual, new area in the Mumbai vs Delhi debate that we've had for decades. Carol Bagh took a moment. She had to come up with something major to counter my monsoon-powered points.

"This year, all the big-ticket book readings and musical evenings were cancelled in the diplomatic enclave because of these utterly painful September rain. Delhi has aced socially distancing norms at these parties, you see. It's very simple. The fewer the invites, the more exclusive and elite these gatherings get so it works very well in this post-pandemic world. According to my sources, the gupshup is all about who was bumped off the list at the nth hour. But the rain has kept us away from all these glitzy dos and dinners. I haven't chatted with an Ambassador or High Commissioner for months together." There was name-dropping, too, but I'll spare you from it. But the rain-soaked sob stories didn't end. "So many weekend shopping sprees to Dubai but where and how is one supposed to flaunt it all in such horrendous downpours and these last-minute cancellations? I mean, the autumn collection is always meant to be flaunted this time of year at these high-profile, intellectual-type events at IIMC and India Habitat Centre. I never miss those; always good to be seen here. But, this year's rain has been something else. Imagine having to cancel that dreamy weekend dash to the Maldives because our airport was flooded! That hurt. Sweety and Aanchal signed up for Art of Living classes to recover from it. No two ways… we have to now be called India's rainiest urban centre. You Bambaiwallahs have experienced nothing compared to this torture."

After a patient hearing, I butted in, "About the airport; well, at least ours is monsoon-proof. Look how it swung back to action so quickly despite the unusual cyclonic weather, and unprecedented July rain. Did you not see the damage that Tauktae caused, and how many trees were uprooted? Not to forget other incidents when lives and property were lost due to landslides that are annual features? It's been relentless," I felt I was on strong ground after throwing those solid case studies.

"Ummm. Oh dear. But here our doggies, too, seem to be facing the brunt of this rain. They are getting terribly obese and ill-groomed because they cannot step outdoors to even enter their gaadis that take them for their walks or salon-spa treatments. Dolly's neighbour was telling me how her retriever and St Bernard could be slipping into possible depression because they had stopped watching their favourite Netflix shows," she counter-argued.

I tried to throw in some sanity, "Not just this year, every year, the rains keep getting worse here. Mumbai is a coastal city after all, and things aren't looking good for us. Did you hear Amitav Ghosh's podcast on how climate change will affect us?"

"Amitabh Bachchan? You're serious! Let me tell the girls about the Big B update and…" Carol Bagh had to be interrupted right there. "Not everything here is about Bollywood. I was referring to the great author Amitav Ghosh. Anyway."

"So like I was saying," the friend had to have the last word, "It's been a very rainy August and September, darling. Monsoon Wedding kind of year. Imagine having to sacrifice the Lodhi Garden picnic brunches every single Saturday during these two months?" I had nothing except to wonder how Horniman Circle Gardens' regulars would react if they heard this line.

mid-day's Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city's sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her. She tweets @bombayana

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