One Nats and her many Indias

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Glossary of terms
'Eye roll - Whatever!
'Double eye roll - Are you serious?!
'Angstruck - Angst + anger + dumbstruck
'SeeGer - Seething anger
'SarAth - Sarcastic wrath

My neighbour Natasha aka Nats, aged 21, had just returned from a fierce workout - Nats only worked up a sweat when she wanted to let off steam.

At the moment her face was the same hue as the streaks in her hair.

"Nats, why you so uhm… purple with anger?" I asked, with some circumspection.

"The Vir Das video, Rahul bruh." (SeeGer). "You've seen it, right?" she asked. (Double eye roll) I proceeded carefully.

"You clearly have views about it… Politically how do you feel? Pissed off?"

(Eye roll) "Abso… Rahul uncle, it's obvio… don't you feel enraged, dude?"

"Uhm uh… are you asking if I'm enraged by the content or the comments/controversy?" I began.

Nats was now hitting her stride.

"The comments, bro! The sheer churlishness of people! I made the fatal mistake of talking to my bro-in-law in Hoshiarpur, this morning, he's giving me his blinkered ‘bhashan' of the ‘I Come From Two Indias' video, telling me that ‘this is just not done…this jester should not be speaking like this on an international stage… he's painting a bad picture of India!' I wanted to bite his head off, but my sister Namrata cautioned me. What annoys me about guys like him and those objecting to the video, is the ‘log kya kahenge' attitude!"

"Okay, Natasha so what pisses you off?"

"Just take the one line in question, ‘I come from an India, where we worship women in the day and gangrape them at night"

"Do you agree with it?"

"Dude, Mahua Moitra is bang on when she says said, ‘Vir is factually off, we gangrape in the day too!' Bruh, have you noticed how not one single woman has objected, that's how true it is…it's the same tired ‘uncles' in power! Grrrrrrr… they don't give two hoots about rape, their only concern is reputation! Tell me, what has changed since Nirbhaya, man… if anything gang-rapes have increased and laws have decreased."

Nats took a pause, her face reduced from deep purple to light mauve.

"Why the backlash against Vir? Point is, dude, comedians, stands up artistes, satirists, it's their job to question, query… right, it's freedom to express?"

"And what about that actress lady, can't even name her anymore, is there anything she doesn't have a view on… man, she's demanding strict action against Vir and called him a ‘criminal', and no one has anything to say to her when she downgrades our freedom fighters… will these ‘netas' who want to ban Vir, disallow her films being released in their states? And there's one celebrated author who said that he may might find faults with his mother but won't criticise her in his neighbour's house! Has this gent not heard of the internet... Dude, every tweet, every YouTube video, every post reaches an international audience in this age of social media… so what are these outdated ‘uncles' talking about?"

She paused. Then just like that her mood changed.

"Anyway, Rahul bruh I'm off to organise my meals for the day."

"What's on the menu, Nats?"

"I come from an India, where I have daal-baat and sabzi for lunch and pepperoni pizza for dinner!"

"See you tomorrow?" I asked.

"I also come from an India where I fast on Tuesdays, but I go bar hopping on Fridays and nurse a hangover on Saturday… see ya Rahul on Monday… bruh!" she
chortled and hopped off to experience her many Indias.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com