The Bronze Age

Illustration/Uday Mohite

The BOC (Bharat Olimpic Corporation) held an urgent meeting, post the Tokyo Olympics.

The President of BOC, Mr Pehla Prasad Pasricha addressed the august gathering,

"Bhaiyon and behenon, it's been a so-so medal show for us in Tokyo. Better than Rio, but only one gold, two silvers, and four bronzes!"

The treasurer of BOC, Mr Moolah Mohanty chimed in, "Jamaica with a population three times less than Jabalpur, has so many golds and we… we… only one. We need many, many more!"

Mr Pehla Prasad announced, "I wish to propose to the World Olympic Committee that we introduce new rules!"

"Like what?" his Vice President, Shri Doosra Dobriyal asked.

"I want to suggest, that they introduce more medals than just gold, silver and bronze," Pehla said.

"Matlab?" asked Mr Dobriyal.

"See, I've got so used to us finishing 6th or 7th or 10th, why not have medals for these?

An aluminium medal for 4th place, or a wood medal for 7th, or synthetic glass from China as consolation prizes?"

"Why can't we suggest sports that we are good at? Like why not cricket for the Olympics?" Mr Chand Chauthala asked.

"My fear is our players will choose IPL over the Olympic Games," warned Mr Dobriyal.

The youngest in the group, Yuvak Jawaan, said enthusiastically over his horn-rimmed specs, "Respected uncles and aunties, I have some revolutionary ideas-using my latest software, I've come up with a list of new events, ones that we can become very good at, if we set up training facilities."

Mr Prashna Prasanna asked sceptically, "We've been in a lockdown for almost 16 months. What are you recommending young man… how hard to bang a thali?"

"Well, Prasanna uncle close, but not quite. During the last two years, while I've been working from home, these are new games I'm thinking of based on my own experiences."

Yuvak continued, "So, I have formulated a new athletics event called ‘The Jhadoo-Pocha sprints' using certain algorithms. Two races I have created - ‘50 metre Jhadoo' and ‘75 metres Pocha'. For the 50 m Jhadoo, the athlete goes down on his haunches brandishing a broom, and over 50 m sweeps the track in front of him, while he moves forward like a duck. With the 75 m Pocha, the athlete holds the swab broom and races over 75 metres while he mops simultaneously. We will have champions from all over the nation in these two sports, I'm convinced!"

Moolah Mohanty was happy, "Accha hai, tell me young Yuvak, what other sports has your team of techies invented?"

Yuvak's assistant, Soch Vichar Rathore, said excitedly, "We have created the Mumbai Duothlon, which can be extended to become a national sport. The Duothlon has two disciplines: First is the 6 km Water Walk. We Indians have got so used to struggling through floods, with water upto our knees. Here, the athlete's obstacle is a 6 km stretch of water he has to wade through to win the race."

Second is the 2 km Pothole Cycle Maneouvre. As the term suggests, we've become adept at avoiding potholes on our roads, so in this event, we replicate a potholed dirt track that the cyclist has to overcome.

Yuvak said, "And finally we have a sport, very newly developed. So, after you take your second vaccination, the game is how far can you throw an object?"

‘What's this unusual game called?" Mr Moolah enquired.

"The Jab-elin Throw," Yuvak concluded.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com