‘Papa was loving but an alcoholic’

Somesh Kumar, 33, is a graphic designer and illustrator who lives in Bengaluru with his wife, mum and two-year-old daughter Sufi

In September 2018, Somesh Kumar became a father. The Bengaluru-based graphic designer and illustrator dived into being a full-time dad to daughter Sufi, while his wife took on a job at Accenture. Back at home, as he juggled pen, paper and pacifier, Kumar dabbled with the idea of working on a graphic novel.
Little by Little is a long-form comic, which Kumar began as a personal project. It took on a shape of its own, with each passing day, as he dipped into memories from the late '80s when he was growing up in Bihar.

He was born in a mohalla called Pakari in the small town of Arrah. It was a typical crammed, but tiny Indian town. "All the other houses in the narrow lanes were tightly placed. I grew up in a joint family. Both my grandparents were teachers; we had cows and a dog. Mummy was finishing her education at the time and had almost immediately found a job as a teacher in a central government school. Papa worked with a nationalised bank. While we were well off, my memory of those years is mired by how my elder brother and I were brought up in a crowded place," recalls Kumar, now 33.

In June 2009, Kumar visited Bihar to see his father, who needed a liver transplant. The procedure didn't go through and his father died of pneumonia soon after. This graphic panel depicts Kumar's journey from Bengaluru to his home after his mother called with the bad news

Kumar's mother had a transferable job, and in 1995, she moved to Baroni. Kumar and his brother tagged along. His father, who stayed back, developed a drinking habit. "During autumn and summer breaks, we would go visit him. Honestly, it is the fondest memory of my childhood. Coming from a nuclear family, having family dinners and having more time for each other was a privilege. In all this, I was too young to pick on the early signs of his drinking problem," Kumar recollects.

Five years later, the trio moved to Bihta, an air force station almost 30 km away from Arrah. Kumar was 13. He says while solitude could have pushed his father to the brink, he was also carrying baggage from his childhood. "Having to give up on his own ambitions to look after his siblings gradually got to him."

Kumar realised that his mother was caught in a patriarchy warp, enduring the trauma silently, while his father got to be the boss. For a teenager, the obvious way out was to escape. Later, as a student at Shrishti School of Design, he hardly ever looked forward to going home for the holidays the way his classmates did. "The sharp odour of liquor in his room and the subsequent fights, I didn't want to face any of it."

For a final year project in 2009, Kumar decided to give into this pain to illustrate a graphic novel. While at it, he realised that while aspiring to move up the social ladder, we end up moving from one place to another. "But in that journey, what are you left with? As a family, we kept growing apart because my brother and I were chasing a good education. And we had lost our father, too."

Kumar thinks those who haven't struggled with living with a person with addiction will identify with the comic nevertheless because we all at some point have tried to fix something or someone around us. But, the creative endeavour also looks at a changing Bihar. "Bihar, as a backdrop to this story, is woven into my journey and coming to terms with my father's drinking. The novel is going to be 500 page-long with six chapters, says Kumar who uploads a new chapter online each month on his website to share with his followers (https://littlebylittle.online/).

Does the child of imperfect parents make a good one? Kumar isn't sure. What he does know is that parenting demands patience. "You will always be negotiating with a child, who will not agree with what you want. But you can't lose your cool, and you have to keep it okay for the sake of
the child."