'He wants me to look like his ex-crush...'

Illustration/Amit Bandre

Dear Diana,
I always thought my boyfriend of four years has loved me the way I am. I'm on the heavy side and he would tell me I look beautiful just the way I am.

Illustration/Amit Bandre

Lately, however, he has been bringing up topics about my weight. He even gives me examples of how he wants me to look by showing me snapshots of this girl he used to have a huge crush on. He says he is concerned about my health as obesity could lead to other problems. He wants me to be at my best for our big day. He says he will marry me after I shed some kilos. But I find it sickening. It hurts me that he wants me to look like his ex-crush because she has a "nice body" - these are the words he uses to describe her.
- Gia

Dear Gia,
This man is just whiling time with you. He is showering you with praises and telling you things like he loves the way you are which is utter nonsense. He does not care for you or he would not have been talking stuff like "nice body" of his ex flame. That relationship is over, so why is he harping about it? What if you do not reach the ideal weight he desires? Will he then not marry you? It is absurd to even have a conversation like this.

If you are obese, it is okay for him to be concerned that it could lead to other health issues. That is genuine concern, not telling things like before marriage you need to weigh how much. Going on a weight loss mission for your own reasons is fine, but do not make it a prerequisite for marriage. He's been with you for four years, now suddenly when the talk is about marriage, he is coming up with excuses. Tell him exactly how you feel about his constant banter about your weight and think aloud if you really want to be with him or not.