She wants to come back... an irresistible offer. Succumb?

Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

She wants to come back... an irresistible offer. Succumb?

Dear Diana,
I like this girl I met at the tennis court, and we've been talking for a while now. But I asked her out, and she kept making excuses and couldn't go. Finally, one day, I asked her if she wants to date me at all, and she said she just wants be friends. So, after that, I didn't pull any moves on her, and after she flirts with a possibly gay guy in front of me (saying things like "I love you, I want to marry you"), I basically stopped talking to her, not even said hi to her... well, just ignored her completely. And about one month later, she texts me wanting to

Illustration/ Satish Acharya

talk to me again. I don't know if she wants me back or she's just real bored and needs somebody. Well, I really really like her, and really can't resist her... but I don't want to give her the idea that I'm easy, and she could just have me back anytime she wants. I don't really know what's the best thing to do, and I really want to be with her.

John

Dear John,
She's playing hard to get only to figure out that you're not biting the bait. You're doing the right thing by ignoring her. If she just wants to be friends and you don't, that's something you'll have to tell her straight off with no caveats. It's either love or friendship for you. No grey areas will do. If you don't lay down the law, she'll keep you haging like a yo-yo. Go out with her if you want to try to figure out the reason for her sudden interest in you, just give her a hard time before you do it, if you do it.

The loneliness is getting to me!

Dear Diana,
I'm 37 years old and still single. I belong to a well-off family and love to party and go to the best places and restaurants in town. I come across many lovely girls and really admire them a lot and wish any one of them could be mine. But as far as approaching them goes, I get cold feet. I don't know what my problem is. And when I do muster the courage, I see that girl going away and have to return home sad and lonely. I don't know what to do. I don't have the guts to speak up. I feel like going into hibernation.

Harry

Dear Harry,
Why don't you go out with a bunch of friends before mustering enough confidence to move on to dating. Be comfortable in you own skin and it will come across. Don't feel lonely because you don't have a girlfriend. It's not the worst thing that could happen to you. Courageu00a0 comes only after you've tried hard to get rid of your fear of women.

She wants to get physical

Dear Diana,
We've been friends for three years but have only started going around for about a week now. I was always fond of her. One day, she called me up, proclaiming her love and we mutually agreed to continue the relationship. The problem is that after a great week she says she wants to sleep with me. I love her a lot and don't mind getting physical but I don't know if she'll be able to handle the aftermath of getting physical as she does things at the spur of the moment. She's been hinting sex for a while, though. Please help.

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,
If she's taken the initiative to tell you that she is ready, shouldn't you let that tell you that she has already made that decision after thinking it over and that if she regrets it later, she cannot pin the blame solely on you. She finds it comfortable being around you and which is why she has hinted that she'd like to get intimate with you. Does that intimidate you into thinking that you're probably not doing the right thing? If you're both minors, it would be illegal and you could be charged with statutory rape if found out. But if the two of you are consenting adults, I really don't see the problem.